Thursday, 13 March 2014

Dear Alex, My Birthday.

My Birthday with my man xxx

Dear Alex,

Gargantuan in portion, crusty, flaky topping, soggy watery base; the best porridge I have ever tasted! A bowl of tea… The kids walk in, breakfast in bed! Monty taps my shoulder 'wake up mum, it's your birthday, we have been up since 6 preparing everything! Happy Birthday, we love you so much…' And they all plant huge kisses on me and cuddle me in their fleecy pyjama'd baby arms.

Stevie Wonder is playing. They have picked a Stevie Wonder song on my phone, they could't find 'Happy Birthday to you' So they had a different song playing by Stevie. My Breakfast in bed on a tray with bunting they had made together 'Happy Birthday Mummy, We love you' around the edges of the tray. Singing Happy Birthday over Stevie Wonder, bringing in all cards and presents and a Dime bar as my present from them! A huge banner reads: 'Happy Birthday mum!'

My angels had planned every little last aspect of my morning and my day…right down to the last detail.

I have never felt so blessed.

Never felt so loved.

My babies did it all by themselves…For me

Stevie Wonder reminds me of you. His album 'Talking Book' is where our Wedding song came from. 'I believe' is the song you chose. So prophetic its lyrics.

Their huge smiling faces, their love, the things, the poems they had written me, the cards they have coloured in for me, the love they show me, who could hold it together? I cannot wipe away the tears swiftly enough.

They fill in as quickly as they can the hole they know intrinsically lies in mummy's soul. The piece of the jigsaw missing, they Sellotape with as much love and affection and thought as they possibly can.

Your dischargee meeting sees the Therapists saying they want 2 further weeks with you. Although they are not changing your functionality (a dagger in my heart); you are not motivated to walk or talk or stand or sit, you enjoy it and work at it in the sessions, so they want to continue working with you.

Your head lies on my chest, your right arm around me, and the only words I hear form you are 'I love you, I love you, I love you…lots and lots and lots and lots and lots…' the entire time I am with you.

You have no idea it is my Birthday, but the nurses encourage you to sing me Happy Birthday, and I remain in your arms the 3 hours I am with you…

Friends, family, have sent wonderful messages, sent presents, cards and I have felt wrapped up in a blanket of love and support.

I wish I was not alone tonight.

I wish you were here, and I can never express the hole that has been left in my life since you went.

But I am so full of love and gratitude for those who have wrapped their arms around me today.

I love you all, Thank you

Me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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