Saturday, 24 September 2011

'10 Things I Learned From This Week...' Week 10!

1 Making a belligerent 3-year-old spit out the stolen sugar LUMPS (plural) out of her mouth out of principle (well, stealing is stealing), is not worth it, the ‘stick’ (well, stickiness, for those who think I may have beaten it out of her bearing a stick) on the floor was wrong.

2 I am in fact in LOVE with Mr and Mrs Washing-machine, genius couple!

3 I have had headaches, insomnia and racey-heart all week, exhausting! No WORD of a lie.

4 Wishes DO come true!!!! Camille (the love of Monty’s life for the last 3 years), has told him that she has fallen back in love with him, 3 days after he made the wish! *starts wishing, donkeys, lottery, number 5….?!*

5 Life is testing, FULL of ups and downs, lefts and rights, hills and puddles, you just gotta wade on through, climb on up, and believe in your own strength.

6 That my husband is AMAZING! Well, that was already a given, but a reminder to him from time to time does not go amiss….

Did you know this? That the dot above the ‘i’ is in fact called a ‘tittle’ and I like that word!

Childhood is PRESCIOUS, you only ever have it once, we as parents have the responsibility of making sure it is preserved this way (within our limits!).

9 That I am veering towards a pygmy Shetland pony as apposed to a donkey (my faithfulness wanes… )

10 I love writing my blog, is does absolutely keep me insane, I mean sane.

Well, that's it folks, hope you are far more learned now! See you all tomorrow!
Tamsyn x

Friday, 23 September 2011

‘Good cop, bad cop’ that old chestnut.

We were parked up, and Alex nipped into the shop to grab a few bits on the way home from the beach. It was hot, and with our friend still staying, we took full advantage of the ‘beau temps’ (lovely weather) And had beached it up, it was now late. A Police car drives past super s l o w l y …I clock it, avoid eye contact, guilty , always guilty...Anyway, after 3 fines in the last month, I could do with there being no more, frankly. Lola is in the front of the car, the driver’s seat, we are doing her homework, as we’d only just remembered to do (it’s always everything last minute here). Today, the gods and the donkeys are NOT smiling on me. The Police car parks over the road, the Police men get out, Monty shouts, ‘hey mum, there’s 2 Policemen coming up to the car’ ,‘oh f*****g brilliant’ is my response.

They tap on the car, I smile and do the ‘is there a problem orrifices?’ I mean officers?’ to which they tell me they are looking for the owner of the car I am in, er, well, I am not being funny, but to have stolen the car I am in, well, I would just not have, I’d have at least chosen wisely, not a chicken hoof scratched, burned out gypsy wagon. As if? But I refrain from telling them this and declare I am in fact the proud owner. ‘Would you step out of the vehicle please madame?’ Here we go,  and again, I cry internally this time, ‘oh f*****g briliant’. I step out, and they make me stare long and hard at the wheels that are bald. ‘Oh, so they need hair?’ I ask, trying to lighten the mood. But there’s no lightening their mood, they’re on a mission. ‘That’s 250€ fine and the vehicle stays put till the wheels are changed.’ One of the officers informs me. I very, very, I swear, it was touch and go for a minute, nearly broke down on the spot, like a full on nervous mental breakdown as well. I begin falling to knees to BEG pose, beg like a desperate broken woman, life beaten out of her by chickens and kids and ducks who keep flying away to freedom (lucky bastards, note to self, fashion wings for myself, learn to quack, and p*ss off).. then I realise their scam, they're fully doing the ‘good cop, bad cop’ that old chestnut. The other police dude sees my look of vacant despair, 4 kids running a mock in the car, takes pity and says, well, normally, it’s that, but we’ll give you a second chance, you have 2 weeks to change them, then we’ll come round and check they’re done. I ‘phew’ out loud, ready to plant a smacker on the kind(er) policeman’s lips…I did not, but did thank them for like ages and ages, and gave my address, and the ‘bad cop’ raises his eyebrows and says he’ll be round in 2 weeks…Goodo. But at least we avoided another fine.

I shall bake muffins and display proudly the new tyres (which we will have to pull out of bottoms, maybe I’ll make some, Mac Gyver it), and then never be bothered again by the effing Police...? Well, till the next time.

The man himself....

So work still is not happening, but I am motivated, searching, and studying (doing a TEFL course, which I actually started 2 years ago, so at this rate, by the time I am 88 I should have about covered it). So I just have to be patient, and carry on as I am, and see how it goes. I have also got back into my art in a BIG way recently, it is very cathartic I find, and with the kids back at school, I am able to find an hour here and there to throw myself into it. And it feels good. I am doing something productive, if I cut my own ear off I may even make some money, oh no, actually it wasn’t till he was dead too, so scrap that. And it’s just for me too, so it’s a positive thing.

As we speak, Esmie has stuck some stickers over her teeny baby nipples and her belly-button, she’s slapping her belly button going ‘looook at my boobies and my bewwy button, nah nah nah nah nah...' Well, you win some, you lose some…

Have a Fabulous day all,

See you tomorrow,

Tamsybn x *sees typo, but prefers her name spelt this way, changes it up a bit *

Thursday, 22 September 2011

Posh and Beaks have landed...! (quick pic...)

Well, for some reason I have chosen an insane pose a 'check out my cute ducklings' ...seductive one...Although I can assure you it was not deliberate! anyway, there's some other good'uns too, so ignore the seducing and check out our cute new ducklings!!...

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

It turns out he’d escaped and eaten a neighbour's cock. Nasty.

I nipped round to a friend’s house this morning to have slug down a cuppa and have a quick chat-she’s helping me find work, so it was a ‘time out’ no kids (all at school this morning, yet unguilty moment, as we looked for jobs for me…the search continues, but I’ll get there, softly softly catchy monkey as my old English teacher Mrs Gadd used to say. It stuck, and it’s a bizarre, but handy phrase nonetheless. In all honesty, I do find it difficult not to be ‘doing’ something, I am pretty hard on myself, and rarely let myself just relax. But in reality, how can you with 4 hungry mouths that remind you (in emptying the fridge on a practically daily basis) you need 2 incomes to make life even vaguely possible…
See what goes through their heads-nasty bastards...

Esmie screams, begins jumping up and down in what appears to be the WORST pain she has ever, ever suffered, I run over and discover she has had her foot stung by a nasty bastard wasp. They really are the epitomy of nastyarseness. What are they actuallly there for? Stinging us, fine, being attracted to small defenceless bear foot kids eating sweet stuff, so they can ‘sting. I am NOT alright with this. Bees, bees I am alright with, they make hiney (well, no they don’t, they make honey, but you know, it’s late) at the end of the day, they serve a great purpose, and then side of guilt after they sting just one time. There’s some good karma going on there, they will not come back as a bee again, a donkey, maybe, but a bee, no, they’re moving up, they’re cool. Wasps, fookin’ ‘ell, and my poor baby child has been stung by one. I run with her (me bear foot too, over hard gravel doing the half wincy, half hopping, half jumpy dance over them. I think quickly, grab the sting tranquiliser thingy and rub ruby rub. She, however, is not cured, the bloody thing is not doing its job, then I realise, I had been rubby rub rubbing, with the lid still on. Nice work mum. Anyway, she survived, a piece of chocolate took all the pain away, there’s NOTHING chocolate cannot cure depression, mood swings, stings, grazes…it’s the new homeopathic medicine chez us.

As I am at my friend’s this morning, her neighbour comes in in helpless tears; we discover the reason why, through her sobs. Her dog escaped an hour and a half ago, and she had no idea where he was, we are about to ring the nearest refuge (just in case he’s been ‘handed in’) at this point, THREE police cars turn up, looking for the owner of a Husky, her dog, 6 police men and women step out of their vehicles, looking as important as they feel (and my god the police over here feel important). I do question after whether it was THAT necessary to have 3 cars and 6 men/women…Really? French law enforcers, is it? I didn’t question them though, they all had guns…it turns out he’d escaped and eaten a neighbour's cock. Nasty. But thankfully, the dude was forgiving and said he had plenty, and not to worry. Just a little anecdote about how the French work. Good God. Sort it out France.

Well, I had an extremely busy day, fairly productive, the child benefit people had sent 2 threatening letters telling us if we did not provide a particular document before a particular date, they were cutting off our rights…Alright, maybe fair enough had I literally just not done it, but I went in there IN PERSON 2 months previously to hand it to them, which THEY then lost, hence the re-demand. I was all ‘militant head’ on, and when I was told to wait in the queue (approximately 8 thousand people long), I refused, stood my ground and told them this was the SECOND time I was giving them the document they asked me for, no way was I waiting, I thrust the piece of paper at him telling him if they lost it again this time, then be it on their own heads, I am NOT giving it in again. With that, I leave in a whirlwind, cross, but feeling empowered, I crushed someone administrative in France, a first (and probably a last) but I won! This time. The dude was somewhat gobsmacked, and I am sure his hand was shaking as I thrust the paper at him. Sorry dude *guilt sets in*.

Right, off to tackle another day, prepare mentally for phone calls looking for work, and do s*** loads of washing. I hope Wednesday is a good day for you all, no school today, so Mitzi goes to Gym at 11am too, a fun filled day shall be had by all!

See you tomorrow,

Tamsyn x *drives to child benefit office, posts dog poo through the door, that’ll learn ‘em*

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Introducing my :Tuesday Tune...(*ignores tumbleweeds*)

Well, it does say it all in the title, but today, I would like to dedicate this tune to my devoted, amazing, loyal, loving, soul mate...Thank you Alex, for all you are doing and have done for me...

This is for you my angel...

I love you xxx

Monday, 19 September 2011

Polar opposite responses from male and female in times of pain...

I was soooooooo looking forward to my first cuppa this morning. It was one of those ones that you end up scorching your mouth and tongue, but you do NOT give a flying rats arse, coz you damn well NEED it. Anyway, I take a sip, scorch my self internally, third degree internal burns is never what you want to be beginning the day with, especially my days…At this exact moment in time, Alex sneaks up behind me and gives me a giant bear hug, sending the scorching tea flying all over me and the sofa cover I was busy refitting on the sofa, just washed…As if? This was gonna be a good'un today, obviously. 7 am and I am internally scorched, burned tongue, and externally sopping wet and burned, outfit one of the day down, taking OFF the newly fitted on sofa cover to rewash. Oh, whilst I am getting kids ready to go to school.
I know love, that's all I wanted too...

Anyhoo, the day progressed and I in fact, had a reasonably productive day, all things considering. Esmie now goes to school, runs in, smiling, LOVES it! And with 4 kids going to school without clinging onto you like a baby baboon, crying and screaming, school morning run now is a positive joyful experience. I even managed to go to Monty’s school meeting on the right day at the right time. I was on a roll. At the ‘any questions?’ point, I put my hand up, the teacher laughs and says it’s not actually necessary, but you know, old habits die hard, hey?  I express concerns about the language side of things for Monty, we are English, speak only English in the house, and Monty now reads in English. I was thoroughly reassured, when the teacher said you could not tell. Whoopee! Although this year seems to be a very serious year, and the grammatical side of French bypasses me somewhat, I speak it fine, but I have never actually had any grammatical base to go on, so how the hell can I help my son? Well, we shall tackle that when it comes to it, and see what the outcome is…?!

Esmie at Easter time, other happy days...!

I went to my first ever car boot sale in France today, they never seem that appealing, French other peoples’ rejects, can be pretty, erm, special…but I went with a friend nonetheless, and I bought up huge bags of these wooden fish mobiles…since, I keep giving them away, it was an insane impulse buy, can honestly say this, I have NEVER done before. This,  I regret, I am inundated with wooden fish mobiles, with no places to go. So they are getting ‘given’, and to all my friends who have kids’ birthdays coming up…you know what they’re getting.

The other day, Monty walked into a door, no really, he actually did! In real life, and this is actually what he tells people, and I can tell you I have had some ‘oh really?’ comments, quizzing eyed responses. I took my ‘ oooooh my poor baby, ARNICA!’ and cuddle tack, whilst Alex whoops around high fiving him (I was waiting for chest pumps, flinging Monty against the wall and breaking his arms off or something, thankfully, high 5s was as far as it went) going ‘YES! My son has his FIRST black eye! Nice! Put it here boy’. I think Monty was somewhat bemused, and in that moment saw the starkly random polar opposite responses from male and female in times of pain.

There we go, we have our friend staying at the moment, and I have just fed the whole small army I am cooking for, chick pea burgers (honestly, proper good, recipe going up Thursday) potato wedges and cucumber…I had, unfortunately momentarily lost the will to live by the time the ‘oh s**t I have not done a vegetable to go with it…’ moment came, so cucumber it was.

Monday morning approaches, French administration approaches, life goes on, and more stuff will no doubt come up, but I am a lioness, no really, I resemble a small fluffy gerbil, internally, but I am going to be a lioness in my own mind and body roaring around, literally, at school, in the shops, on the roads, roaring I shall be…Think of the kids…

See ya,

Tamsyn x *ROARS loud, in practice, hurts feeble throat, now lost voice, lioness plan, aborted*

Sunday, 18 September 2011

Thought For The Day. Week 16...

Now this one I LIKE! I wanted a funny quote today, lift the mood a bit for the day, this I stumbled upon, and here is my Thought For The Day peeps...

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."

Whatever you do, don't teach your man how to fish!!

Hope it's a great week for everyone...

Tamsyn x