Tuesday, 18 February 2014

Dear Alex, Saying Goodbye.






Dear Alex,

They fly low, so clearly I see the dozen Geese, necks proudly extended, V shaped in the blue sky. We are at the beach, it's early afternoon and we are saying our goodbyes to our faithful friend, Oliver.

Scattering ashes into the sea where his favourite dog walk was.

We spend an hour or so there, wandering in and out of the waves, remembering our happy thoughts about Oliver. Betsie jumps at us all, sprints away, tears back at break neck speed, and the kids run, jump, dodge waves, drenched in sea and bright shining sun.

The sun bright, warm, no coat needed. And I am reminded in an instant why we live here. How it is a blessing where The Most High has brought us. all of it...

I have also just said good bye to my Best friend who has been down for 5 days, and know I will not see her again for a month or so, although we spend  days together every 6 weeks, it will be long till I see her again.

Evenings passed with my Best friend remind me of what I miss the most about having you here.

Company, companionship.

I struggle to escape loneliness in the evenings.

Days full of all manner of things, the evenings, kids in bed, resting sleepy heads after long activity filled days.

I sip a glass of wine.

I listen to the washing machine turning, the dishwasher churning. And I am alone again.

The sense, the feeling of being safe when someone is here, I never feel as strongly as when it is gone. My Best friend being here and now her absence has served as an unwanted recall of how much I miss you.

We now Skype at various intervals in the day, but there is always someone with you. There's no privacy in our relationship.

I yearn for that.

I ache for you.


I miss you Alex, I will never be able to express it.

No words would ever do justice to the aching inside. The days, which turn into weeks, which turn into months, which have turned into years…

Years.


I miss you.

Goodbye old friend, sleep well…Until I see you again…xxx


Me xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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