Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Dear Alex, How do I Get Beyond This?

Treasured memories of France.

Dear Alex,

How do I get beyond this?

How can I hope to get through?

How long, as time drags resisting offering me an opportunity with a family unit, a husband by my side a father for my kids…

How, as the nights are long and the evenings longer, do I survive a loneliness I never thought possible?

Can still, even now, not believe is possible.

How do I survive this and come out the other side?

When the other side may be this, forever.

And that terrifies me.

Like a child alone, parents departed, none to depend on, no idea what to do or how to seek help.

A desperate need in me to be loved, cherished, supported, to have a companion by my side, through it all. A desperate need that I can and never will have fulfilled.

How I miss you Alex Wood. The times we had and the days we spent and how you cherished me, loved me, supported and held me. How is it that that man is no more?

How do you get over a fear so powerful it haunts your dreams, clouds your days and invades your character?

I need to change.

I need to change this, for I am spiralling downward, and downwards fast…

Tomorrow is a new day.

Sleep well my baby, till I hold you in my arms again,

Me xxxxxxxxxxx

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