Saturday, 11 January 2014

Dear Alex, In the crook of my arm.

Dear Alex,

Betsy, Our puppy, came to us, 10 days ago now. She was sad, lonely, having lived in a garage on her own for a month or so. She didn't know how to play, what it even was. She didn't understand love, ran with her tail between her legs and ears pinned back when we approached her for cuddles. Scared, un-inquisitive, tail tucked between her little puppy legs always.

Today I look at her charging around with a toilet roll, laying her head on my lap, whining when the kids are not around.

Today I look at a puppy who plays, explores, loves and loves to be loved.

Today I look at a puppy who hates being without us, and therefore never is, taking Oliver's place and coming everywhere with us.

It has been a radical turn-around, a blessing to be witness to, and we love her as she loves us.

It is remarkable what love can do, how it can heal, re-energise, make something almost dead live again.

Gratitude and love fill me as I sit, quietly now, kids in bed, finally, puppy at my side making typing hard with her head nuzzled in the crook of my arm.

It is there I hold you too, in the protective crook of my arm. As I strive to fulfil many roles, and fail at nearly all...

Our trip to you today took 3 hours there and back, a long way on the kids' weekend. But as I explain to them, we are a family, families work together, as teams, and we all need to hold you.

They are older now. At first I was responsible for protecting them, taking it all on. Yet now, as they grow and you have not miraculously returned to us as we all hoped, this is now our life and we have to live it the best we can...My talks with them have changed, I talk now, to them, about responsibility and team-manship. About the healing love can bring, patience and compassion and how we need to think above our needs and wants, and be there for you...

It was good for the first hour-and-a-half, then you became agitated and it didn't stop. In these circumstances I have to follow what the professionals think, I have to still protect the kids, and half-an-hour of this sees me getting the kids into the car and going back in to chat to the Matron.

She is warm, patient, and encourages me to leave you to them. My anxieties, tears, she understands and I leave, again sad.

I wipe tears, sing loudly to music on the radio with the kids and cook them vegetarian Bolognese when we get home.

I see to them. I immerse myself in their love, their wonderful soul smiles and their innocence and acceptance.

I love you, Alex, I love them, and I will you on continually, and always will.....

me xxxxxxxxxxxx

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