Sunday, 1 December 2013

Dear Alex, Wife.




Dear Alex,


To be a wife. That is my role, that is what I am to be and will be, despite what I get back from you. It hurts like hell not being in a relationship where it is two-sided, equal, wherein companionship is sought and found and we are together.

But what can I do?

Nothing.

I cannot change this.

So I have to simply, just be your wife, a wife. Wife.


And when I think of anything else, of life in a partnership, life in a two way relationship, life where two people are equal, where the roles are equal, I come unstuck...


The 'you' I see depends, it varies all the time, hourly, daily, and  I think of it like opening a fridge door. When the one you open contains rotten food, you reel from the smell, you don't want to and can't do anything with what is within, but it is there nonetheless. Sometimes I open that fridge and find fresh food, food I could make a banquet with, give me time, and my thoughts fill with recipe plans and future delicious meals.

You cannot help feel what you fell when something stares you in the face.

So I have to focus. Not on you and what kind of husband, friend or partner you can be to me, but on me, and what vows I undertook.

Solely me.

And what you are to me is irrelevant.

I have to focus.

I have to be your wife, regardless of what you are to me.

And I vow, and have vowed before God that I will be that for you,

Because

Just because,

Because

I am your wife,


Because whatever this life throws at us, I am me, I am wife, I am yours.


me xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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