Saturday, 2 November 2013

Dear Alex, Photos I found of you...

Dear Alex,

Moss and grass on barely ridden roads, so raw, so uninterrupted the countryside and views which stretch to the heavens where bushes retreat and trees bow to open the magnificence of nature as we drive the twisting turning country road to the place you are.

You cling to me, as we, me and the kids, arrive, yet I am comforted by the buzz around you and the carers who all know you and understand already your speech. I am so happy to see you for only the second time since Tuesday. The kids draw, legs in air, sharing crayons, and with no prompting work together to draw a joint poster to put up in your new room.

The progress you have made in the past few months, as I have not seen you as much the last few days, I notice with such encouragement as to what the future holds. Even though you are tired, your stand as I assist in transferring you, is swift, you stand correctly and hold it with ease, the belt which has handles to support you either side, neither I, nor the carer takes any weight, it is all you! Your strength is increasing, and the smile, the beaming smile on your face when I tell you how incredible I think you are and how proud I am to call you mine, is the biggest you have smiled in weeks...

I can see, for sure, you are in the right place, I have no doubt at all in my mind. They are frequently carrying out the exercises with you throughout the day, and you are always around the other clients in there, not secluded, isolated, left on your own. Whenever I ring, there is always someone with you, and each person I speak to seems to be able to update me as to how the morning or past few hours have gone.

When it is time to leave, you cry out, holding me so tight...'Why can't I live at home with you and the kids?' You say so clearly...'Why am I not at home?' 'I don't understand what has happened to me and why I am here' I do not cry, not on the outside, I know you have to go through this. It breaks my heart, as I wish you understood.

Driving home, lights on full, wind screen wipers beat off the pelting rain. Rain sweeps across the road ahead, throws itself in all directions at the car, the world around us. My soul cries with yours. Branches and tricks of the darkness and rain make branches and hedges seem like they are reaching out, trying to grab the car, they sway and groan and reach, just as you do.

Alex, if one day you understand all this, my soul will sing forever, I am heart broken for you you don't.

I came across some photos of you I had not seen.

Photos of how you should have been.

Photos to make my soul weep.

Photos which will haunt me as I try and go to sleep.

So strong you were, so handsome, so real, so you.

I love you,

me xxxxxxxxxx

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