Wednesday, 27 November 2013

Dear Alex, Hopeless.

Dear Alex,

Hopeless my last few visits, hopeless your time at home. I anger you only, through short periods of calm. You lash out and I have to leave as my tolerance levels have reached zero, and I wonder what I did to deserve this? Why can't you see what you are doing and how much this hurts me? Why can't you grab hold of yourself, see reason, see ME, see regret and love I do you.

I wonder why this has happened to us, where we are going? What our future holds...

I can barely see on the journey home, crying out to God for you to return to the man, the husband, the friend you used to be.

I can't shake off the loss and the loneliness I feel.

It sits like someone laughing cruelly on my back throwing doubts and what the future holds, to be forever without you to care for me? To live my life devoted to a man who cannot really love me?

What is this life?

How much longer can I 'do' this?

I wish you were here, I wish you were there for me when I arrived home today, falling through the door, to my knees, nowhere for the weeping, the sorrow, the destitution the loneliness to go.

It leaks through fruitless tears, through futile sobs and hands clenching.

I need you back Alex.

It's never going to happen is it?

me xxxxxxxxxxx

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