I saw red!

Esmie has suddenly gone from singing in the toilet, to screaming, so I go in to see why. Why? She has actually fallen in the toilet, in her zeal to go to the loo, she had forgotten to put on her little special seat shrinking device (for teeny bums!) and she has fallen right in.  So I heave her out. Although I am not super strong, pulling her out was not easy as she was pretty wedged in there! As all this is going on, through my heaving, the phone had been ringing non stop…..I was in demand, I answer, after having retrieved Esmie from the toilet, slightly breathless, and a bit frazzled, trying now to de-clothe a toilet juice covered daughter. “Oui, allo” did alright at not sounding too pissed off! The person on the other end of the phone is the collating, leaflet distributer’s office (the depot where we collect anything up to 2.5 tonnes worth of shops’ publicity, to then put together, and distribute, each week), they ask me if I would be interested in a job. And you are all now looking at the new representative of a particular shop’s (although the name escapes me!) publicity! I am moving up the corporate collating ladder, look at me! I was pleased (well, pleased is maybe a bit strong), and accepted, but at the same time am left wondering, why on earth pick me? If I am the best of the bunch, then my God! Anyway, that’s it, and I now have another job too.

Esmie has been going through a “Look at me, notice me, give me ALL your attention, or I will sneak off and so naughty things” phase, and it has been testing this week….! At any given moment , I am confronted by the aftermath of a deranged Andrex puppy on the loose, and I have toilet rolls that I have painstakingly re-wrapped up, looking completely awful in my toilet. There are absolutely NO chocolates left in 2 of our 4 chocolate Christmas calendars. She snuck off and opened all the doors, I came back in the room, she jumped, and looked at me saying “Oh, mummy, not meeeee”. Oh really?! She unwrapped the presents that I wrapped up for all the teachers and the teaching assistants…..Helpful. I am sure she will grow out of it, I hope before she causes me any more work/ugly looking toilet paper rolls/brokenhearted kids cause there are no more chocolates in their chocolate calendar……

This week, also saw me coming to blows with the “friend” who leaves me her insanely overexcited 40kg dog to look after, gives me puzzles with pieces missing, and lets her son run WILD in my house, when she gets fed-up with him doing it at her’s. My mother-in-law will be proud! She has witnessed several incidences with the aforementioned lady……! It came about at dinnertime, when the phone rang, I answered and she was on the other end. Niceties over, she homes in……Can I look after her dog for a fortnight all over Christmas? She had vaguely hinted at it a while back, but only a for few days, and nothing was arranged. As I tell her it won’t actually be possible as I am going away for a couple of days over Christmas, she lets rip at me! Informing me that I have to do it (er, excuse me?), that I should have told her that I wasn’t going to do it before (because I sit on my arse and make phone calls all day?), I saw red! Unlike me, I now inform her, although she is talking me down, that in actual fact I do have a right to go away for a night over Christmas, that I did not have to ring her because it was never even definite, and that what should she do now? She should not be so god damn rude and expecting and she should ring some other idiot who will look after her dog. So I doubt I’ll be hearing from her soon…..unless she wants something! With my promotion in the dark world of collating, the power has obviously gone to my head!

Well my sister should expect the most hideous looking parcels in the post this week, as after I had wrapped all the presents lovingly, I then had to “sturdify” them, and wrap parcel tape all round the whole thing…..and to top it all off, I could not find any scissors, so ended up gnawing the parcel tape off with my teeth, beaver styley. So here’s to a great weekend, the first few days of the holidays, no more arguments with stupid idiot women (!), and Margo, my chicken getting her own chicken-child seat to lay her eggs in……Have a good weekend!