Monday, 22 November 2010

lift the Giant flaps, double fun……

Today I have spent the most part unhooking myself from doors. My mother in law has knitted me a sweater, it is fab and I love it, except maybe the tassel and the reindeers…..that was a joke, she knits beautifully…the only catch (pardon the pun) is that every time I have walked through a doorway today, I have been flung violently back in the opposite direction. Most frustrating. It is the arms that keep getting hooked on the door handles. Earlier I had a cup of tea in my hands, you can imagine the catastrophe that ensued, and the wailing and cursing that came from my lips. Very ladylike……..

This evening I sat down to read the most inappropriately titled books for kids ever, the ‘Rainbow show’s’ equivalent in books I guess. Anyone who owns a child, will also own one of these books of that, I am sure…… 'Lift the flaps’, or in our case tonight, lift the Giant flaps, double fun……..I have tried often not to giggle, but immaturely I find the word ‘flaps’ pretty hilarious…….everyone has  a funny word I guess, and mine is ‘flaps.’ Oh, and ‘badger’ although I really can’t explain that one…..! Every time I write the word I can’t help smiling! How immature, but how very funny, for me! Very inappropriate for the youth I feel too, although I obviously do not sit them down and actually explain why it tickles mummy…… 

We had to have ‘The’ talk the other day, after I was asked the old nutshell, ‘mummy where do babies come from?’ but to be honest at their age I think they are thankfully still too young, so I thought I had got away with it with a ‘well they grow in mummies’ tummies.’ 'And then they come out through your belly button?' Lola (5) asks, 'errr, not exactly, they come out of front bottoms….’ I cringe waiting for the response….Monty (7) 'Oh good, I’m alright then, coz I’ve got a willy and not a front bottom!' Great, only 7 and he is already a typical man, leaving all the hard work to us gals and quite happy about it too……To be honest I don’t know how the real live birds and bees talk will go, I am hoping I will be able to put it off for as long as possible (till they’ve left home!). Mine, when I was little, was in a word, terrifying, it put me off making babies for life (I kept on finding mine underneath cabbages, damned vegetable patch!). My mum gave me an illustrated book with 2 robots, one of which had a giant spring for a willy, the other well, a metal box….!!!!! And it had a little illustration of how things went about. It was maybe a dummies guide to sex or something. But I tell you what, I still have nightmares….!

Tonight before I get into bed, I apologise to my husband for what I am about to get into bed wearing……2 pairs of socks, a pair of thick, warm jogging bottoms, a sensible vest, a T-Shirt, with a hoody on top, and a hot water bottle, just to make sure he finds me the most attractive ever….. sexy ……..?!

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