Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Dear Alex, The Kids, Feeling the Loss of You.

Dear Alex,

Dusk, chill of evening breeze through my open window. Dog runs around the garden chasing a pipe cleaner. I have candles that flicker on my window sill, I love watching the pale glow gently pulse.

A meeting has been had about visits. I cannot have anyone dictate to me, I told them this, and to be fair they respected it, also told me I and the kids were the most important part of your rehab. To hear this made me cry. I sometimes feel so pushed out, so redundant as a wife, so negligible my role, that hearing these words I shed tears of relief. That someone does actually think I have a part, an important part to play in this.

Tuesday and Wednesday is when you will be doing the most physio, walking and sitting rehab with them, so these are good days for me to focus on the kids and Making Waves for You, and Making Waves for Alex, which is generally what I spend time I am not with you doing when the kids are at school. The other days I will see you. Twice a week I am bringing the kids in too, they are feeling it at the moment, feeling the loss of you.

Emie frequently cries and says she wishes she had a daddy at home. Monty says 'no Esmie, don't say things like that, you might upset mum' I step in and say how brave and how good and how important it is to talk about these things, even if you are worried it may upset me, and how considerate and caring it was of Monty to think of protecting me in this way.

They need to see more of you, they miss you terribly, and the longer it goes on, the more they miss you.

And this is the same for me.

The more time limps along, the more I miss you, my husband, my best friend, my everything…

Me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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