Thursday, 6 February 2014

Dear Alex, That 'fancy a cuppa, babes?', moment.

Betsie, Esmie and Minnie, asleep next to me.

Dear Alex,

I love you through every thing, I love you through it all, I love the fact you keep on surprising me! That our conversation tonight was like chatting to a friend! I tell you about the kids, the Monty recently had a maths test, he had 90 questions to finish in 10 minutes- he did it in 3, and scored 90/90! I ask you if you were good at maths, you said yes. When I prompt you about your G.C.S.E's you recall you sat 10, getting A's and B's in them all, you said "Because I was good at everything!" Then laughed your head off!

I have never had a conversation like this on the phone with you, you were not fixated on me coming in, weren't just on repeat, not letting me talk to you about anything other than exactly what time I will be in. It felt so familiar, so wonderful to just talk with you for a few minutes, as we may well have done once before, a very long time ago...

So long ago are those conversations, so long ago we would just give one another a call just for a chat or just to hear each other's voices. Just normality, I think that was it, it was a brief moment  of normality with you. A 'Fancy a cuppa, babes?' moment.

My moment, our moment.

HOw far you have come...How settled you continue to be in the Rehab Centre. I think that somewhere deep down, in your subconscious, you have calmed. There is a peace about you that I have not seen in the 2 1/2 years since your accident.

Yes, you still have those times when you are 'lost'. But They are fewer and far between the good times.

I see pockets of light and I am drawn back to a dream I had one day. One hot afternoon, I lay beside you in the Old Care Home you were in, you, for once, were calm and wanted an afternoon nap. I lay beside you and to my surprise, fall deeply asleep next to you. I see a dark circular dusty wall in front of me, black dust spouting forming a mist. Then I try and focus and look carefully, wondering what this is showing me, and as I focus my eyes I see light. Not much, tiny, almost minuscule pockets of light. Bright and silvery, tiny beams start to emanate their light, breaking through the dark dust circular wall. I look and focus on the darkness, and the light starts to shine through again, working faster at breaking down the darkness. I realise I must keep my gaze on the light. It quickly disintegrates all the darkness, I am surrounded by a brilliant healing light. All of a sudden, a peacock, royal blue and equally royal in its stance, walks slowly past, looking at me with bright all seeing eyes. I know it is a king, I feel it.

Researching further the significance of peacocks, I discover they represent 'renewal'. Losing their old feathers once a year, to give way to new more beautiful feathers.

The rest of the dream spoke for itself.

So I have been following this, thanking the Most High for al He has done, focussing on the light. The positives, the good things.

And I am seeing change...

Good change.

Me xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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