Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Dear Alex, Fixing my gaze just enough ahead...

"Focus your eyes straight ahead; keep your gaze on what is in front of you"

Proverbs 4:25

Dear Alex,

Gale force winds, rain, like sand storms, surge sideways, into, across and over the car. I take the motorway, staying in the slow lane all the way home. It is dark, two kids sleep, mouths open, catching flies, two chatter. We chat about their love of writing, how Monty wants to be an author when he grows up, how Lola is writing a story in class and is stuck on the ending, so we explore various outcomes. From the hilarious, to the unpredictable, to the one she is content with.

Only life isn't like that, you cannot write your own story. It is already written. You play the leading role, and yes, have decisions, but noone ever decides on tragic outcomes. That happens to some of us.

And if the author is God, the Creator, The Most High, will my protests when alex pokes his eyes tonight saying "I want to see, I just want to see, I want to see YOU!!" He yells flailing his arm not in the direction I am in...Then he switches off God, just like that, Alex turns his head and slumps in his chair.

It is as though ALex, tonight, for a few seconds you would be there, completely, 'You don't know what it is like to be me, let me explain.." Then by the time I calmed you to talk to me to explain, you replied "later" with that far off look in your unseeing eyes.

It is like holding you in the core of my heart, the valleys of my soul, which launches a deep throb of hope, which pulses, only for it to be snatched away again a few moments later.

On the way home, it is dark, driving conditions which make me focus just ahead, I cannot look around, at the storm, or behind, I have to fix my gaze just forwards, just a few metres forwards, no more or I am dazzled by lights, no less or I would not see far enough to advance.

I thank the Most High for the analogy of life in my drive home.

I fix my gaze on a few days ahead, I know where you have come from, and I am grateful for the progress. I thank the Most High for doing all He has, and ask for more. More of you, for your sight.

And I fix my gaze just enough ahead for the next step...

I 'Google' quotes on 'fixing your gaze ahead' and the bible verse I have put above was listed over and over again...

Me xxxxxxxxx

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