Sunday, 8 December 2013

Dear Alex, The lost dog.

The beach at dusk, Sunday blessings...

Dear Alex,

A day of reflection, deep reflection. I let myself. I don't question why I need to seek, I just seek and let my mind wander.

The afternoon sees a dog walk on the beach close to dusk. Light sets off the setting sun and shadows, bleak surroundings, but in the dunes the luscious hardy grasses and deep valleys carved by the harsh weather this beach is subject to. Toppling sand dunes, grassy edges, jumping grounds for the kids. The sea stretches as far as the eye can see, I feel like I need to learn something today. I pray to the most High and wait answers.

The dog gets lost.

In the dunes this is dangerous as he could have gone miles, I have four kids and a friend's boy with me who has severe autism, I cannot abandon them to search. I call, we all call…no sign. Fifteen minutes we search and I panic. Lola goes ahead, "I've found him!" She cries.

Awash with relief I hear his barks. He is standing far off, not moving, just looking and barking, when he hears us and sees us, he never leaves my side till we get back to the car, looking up and me and adoring me and so happy we found him.

I think long and hard about this, about that story, the significance for me.

If we were l on leads all the time, we would never be free to explore life. God does not have us on leads, we are free to explore and discover, make decisions, right or wrong, learn, be taught, follow or lead. I think of how lost I have felt recently. Wandering.

And it comes to me, maybe I should stand still?

I will be found.

Oliver stood still, and we came to him, his rescuer came to him.

Maybe I need to just stop. Wait. Hope, not moving, changing, just be still in the beauty of all that is around me for a while.

I cannot change the situation I am in now, but I can feel the beauty and blessings of provision, friends, family, I can wait, cry out, and I will be rescued.

It made sense to me today.

I captured a rare smile, a rare sweet moment of you and me on camera.

I am lost because you are not there anymore, not even in the sense you have been may times since the accident.

I need to find the right solution for you, maybe the to-ing and fro-ing again is unsettling you too much as it did once before. Maybe this is not the answer for the moment? Maybe, you need to stay put.

Maybe Oliver getting lost brought several answers to me today. As he stayed put and was rescued, maybe both you and I need to stay put. You need to stay still at the Rehab/Care place.

I will pray and reflect on this this week…

me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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