My heart, my life, my soul, essence of my spirit...
Ten years ago today, you were born. My dream, to be a mummy, realised. With you came every hope, aspiration, longing and a sense of deep peace. Your dad and I were complete.
You, growing up, were the life and soul. I remember how in baby groups, you would be the baby singing, cooing, ahhing and babbling to anyone and everyone who would listen. As a toddler, I have a vivid memory of a huge group of mummies and toddlers singing songs, the hokey cokey was sung and you ran in and out of everyone, going up to each mummy and child singing at the top of your voice and doing the actions to 'oh the okey hockey cokey...' You were hilarious, and have always been full of life and fun.
Now-a-days you are a strong boy, growing so fast it feels like a blur. I grasp and treasure every moment, even the ones when you are having a 'moment'...!
You sleep next to me in bed, or often on the floor in a make shift bed as you feel that security and comfort from being with me.
You cuddle me unashamedly, kiss me and tell me how much you love me before you go into school. After school, you throw your bag down next to me, fling your arms around my neck, tell me 'Hi mum, how was your day?' Then barely waiting for an answer sprint off to play with your friends in the little park outside the school of Mitzi and Esmie.
Such a clever boy, maths is your 'thing'. You love it, and are very conscientious when it comes to homework. Motivated and committed as a person.
You are funny and make me laugh so much. We have banter and you are such good fun to be around.
My heart breaks for you every day that dad can not see you grow up, that he doesn't know you as a father should know his son. How proud he would be if he knew you as he would have done had he not had the accident.
You're much better with your dad now. You are affectionate and even play with him at times. You no longer ignore him, although this has taken nearly two years. I think you still expect him to magically get better, I suppose we all do, such is our feeling of loss.
Monty, I am so proud of you, at times my heart could burst. How caring you are and how you look out for the younger kids, making them laugh, trying to make them feel better if they are sad. It doesn't matter who, whether they are a toddler you saw fall down in the park-you are the first one over to help- or whether you know them well. Such is your deep caring ability and compassion for anyone hurting.
Grow like this, never lose that. It is a generous character trait, a vital one, and a strength to you.
Your smile and laughter light up my life...
I live for you kids...
I hope you always turn to me when you need someone, I will always be there, it may not always be the advice you want to hear, but it will always be the advice to guide you in the right way, on the right spiritual path, just as your dad would do if he could.
I am so sorry he can not.
I love you so much Monty Buster,
Happy Birthday for tomorrow, my ten-year-old boy!