Storm rolls in as we go for a late afternoon stroll on the cliffs. Past the Haunted House, expanses of choppy grey sea stretching as far as the eye can see, revealed, clouds forboding, snatches of orange and blue sky.
We get in just in time, and warm up, you had dozed in your chair and didn't want to come out. You now cry out downstairs in bed. However, if I go to you, you become worse, more agitated, so I hope soon, your calling out will tail off and you will sleep.
It has been a week of trying to sit all the goings on out, trying to do nothing rash, but discover slowly what the next course of action is for you. I see even from the amount of time you have been home, your body regaining strength, you can sit unaided with your right arm propping you up on the side of the bed. OK, this is where you were at over a year ago, but this you lost at the Care Home. I have pangs of feeling cheated, deceived, that you went there, with promises of physio and activities and rehab...Only to lost everything, and more, from where you were at before. The environment you need is a rehab environment. You are stimulated mentally all day long at home, but physically, it is simply the rotastand transfers you do, and a few passive, gentle exercises and physio for an hour, once-a-week. It just is not the right mind set for someone needing to regain strength and physicality. I find myself in a purely carer/speech therapist/physio/OT/activity/mental stimulation role. We are losing the magic of a relationship, as I strive desperately to rehabilitate and reeducate you, and you are on the receiving end of this. Indubitably, my constant insistence and attitude that every second counts, means not only do I never switch off 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, but that you must wonder where your wife has gone...
I want you to become the person that you can, that I believe with the right input you will become...To that end, I have come across a rehab style place that you could be a weekly resident at, to come home at the weekends so the anchor of being at home and that connection is there, so you do not need to feel detached. That your mind set is that you are somewhere to 'get better' and that when home, you have a relaxed weekend surrounded by your family. This place also sends their residents to an intensive rehab centre for 2 week stints, to move you on to the next level, then they maintain all that, then when they see you plateauing, you would go back to do further intensive rehab...I think it feels very right for you.
I have various meeting next week to arrange this, but am rushing into nothing, unless I am sure, a million percent sure it is right for you.
I just need you back, I know you don't want to be living this way, and why, why did the Most High save your life for no more than this? He has not finished His work with you yet, I know He hasn't...There's still so more...
Lets discover it...And make it happen.