Sunday, 5 May 2013

Dear Alex, "Will you marry me?"

5th May 2013

Dear Alex,

Carpet tells the day's story, hoovering up the debris, oats from bread making, mud from our 4 kids, the 3 kids from neighbouring houses traipsing in and out, pink fluff from dressing up. And as I hoover it all I breathe in thanks to the Most High for each event the debris represented, for the healthy kids, their friends, for outdoor play and little feet to bring it in, for food to cook and people to share it with... I smile as I hoover tonight.

It's been a busy one, but you have coped well. Although you were in bed at 7.30, out for the day! Eyes firmly shut, you ask me to climb in next to you-I tell a white lie about getting in later on, but we both do not fit in your single hospital bed.

'Will you marry me?' you ask earlier this morning in tears, for some reason this happens several times today. The same question, tears that flow. You fall asleep on the sofa, wake up crying, I manage to work out it is because you had a dream, you dreamed about me, not  abad dream, a good one you say, about how we used to be...

...The second time this week you are able to clearly recall how you have slept and your dreams. I feel like you are surfacing just that little bit more- memories are waking you and dreams are torturing you. But it is seemingly as you become more aware...

I wait for times such as this, pray for, holding my soul's breath for. This is such progress, and I am more excited by this show of more memory, of yuor dreams and's signs that 'you' are bubbling back up, and my baby, how I have longed for this!

I have discovered a great trick in helping you to recall events, when I ask you 'do you remember...?' You will shake your head, if after I ask you to pause and spend 10 seconds searching the memory, where it may be filed, you have now several times been able to give the correct answer! I am completely overwhelmed by this progress, so encouraged! It shows that there are still techniques we can learn to help you improve and most of all that you still continue to improve!

My angel, my answer to you each time you asked me to marry you today was 'yes, a million times over' ( even though we already married!)...because I can't imagine life without you...

Me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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