Saturday, 11 May 2013

Dear Alex, Esmie.

My Esmie, dressing up fun!

May 11th 2013

Dear Alex,

I almost bought a card for you today, almost...I saw one and the image made me think of you. I forget you cannot see, well, I forget at times. Then I remember and I look at 3 kids holding on to the trolley in the food shop, and the one browsing the cards for his friend, and how I love their faces, their expressions, their hands...when they bite their nails or they sit, slouched, sofa deep watching T.V. I just am in love with the vision of our kids. Something you will never have again... Not on their wedding day, nor their first child. Not for the simple things nor the complex. Not for the present nor the future, not ever, and I replace the card and sigh a deep soul groaning sigh.

"What day is it today Mummy? Is it Daddy coming home day?"
Esmie asks today. I have not heard her call it this before! "It's Thursday, sweetheart, daddy is home tomorrow, just one more sleep"

She dances around saying "Yey, Daddy's home tomorrow!" calling the others, letting her brother and sisters know that there is just one more sleep. She grows more familiar, more accustomed to and much happier around you. This is an absolutely precious moment, and the very next morning the first thing, groggy eyed and bed-haired, she says, "So daddy is home today, hey mummy?" And as I confirm this she smiles her biggest smile and squeezes my hands beaming.

Her childlike acceptance is something else, something pure, something to be treasured, remembered, kept in my memory box of moments to be grateful for.

There's more, she leaps as she awaits the taxi bringing you home, watching out the window, hearing the dog bark, she exclaims "it's daddy! Hey guys, it's daddy! it's daddy, daddy's home!"

She runs at you, takes a flying leap as you dismount the taxi ramp, still crying "yey, daddy's home!" And she plants so many kisses on your leg!

These moments I live for. Never assuming, hoping for, and there is one right there, more perfect than I could ever have planned. Beautiful moment, perfect moment, child's love for their dad, no matter how he is...And I am in love, with you, with the moment, with our baby girl...Proud and happy.

A joyful way to begin the weekend.

me xxxxxxxxxxxx

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