Dear Alex, Not This Time
1st March 2013
Dear Alex,
It's the same symptoms every time. My eyes burn, heavy their lids. Headache and each time I turn I have to balance myself, as dizziness sets in. My chest is tight my heart pounds. I saw the Dr once about it, he told me it was just stress.
"..let my prayer like incense rise before you.."
I sing the lyrics with intent. Hoping my prayers are being heard.
I nearly breathed a sigh of relief and happiness yesterday, nearly. DIY SOS rang me in the morning. They wanted to see if I met the criteria to come in, blitz the house and thus I would have you baby, home! I waited on tenterhooks and the phone rang this morning. Would this be it? My answer to prayer? An end to the long drawn out heartache? But the reply stings. I don't own the property so unless I do, they cannot bend the rules.
The council OT came round to see what could be done, if anything with the grant I may or may not qualify for. It would be a long drawn out and by all accounts arduous process. I wouldn't be able to have you home, for 6 to 9 months, and that's providing everything goes through, and it goes through with not a single hitch. Meaning home visits for you would be impossible during the time they were doing the work.
So I sit, full to the brim with sadness and utter defeat. I just cannot rise above it today, cannot peer out just to see if there is a light somewhere, because it just seems there is not. And I am done. I'm wounded, I'm tired I am drained.
My only feasible option is to move you to a care home nearer to me. There is one, it's apparently got less Physio less speech therapy, but I have to change something. I can't keep (although I will) doing the long journeys.
Even that is not a good option. For so many reasons, the only good thing really would be you'd be closer.
I feel trapped and weak and vulnerable and I want you back.
I can't pour my heart out to you, I can't because due to the brain damage you laugh now when and if I am ever distressed around you for whatever reason. You just laugh at me. You have no idea.
Something has to come up, a spring must be about to flow up from he desert ground surely?
Me xxxxxxxx
Dear Alex,
It's the same symptoms every time. My eyes burn, heavy their lids. Headache and each time I turn I have to balance myself, as dizziness sets in. My chest is tight my heart pounds. I saw the Dr once about it, he told me it was just stress.
"..let my prayer like incense rise before you.."
I sing the lyrics with intent. Hoping my prayers are being heard.
I nearly breathed a sigh of relief and happiness yesterday, nearly. DIY SOS rang me in the morning. They wanted to see if I met the criteria to come in, blitz the house and thus I would have you baby, home! I waited on tenterhooks and the phone rang this morning. Would this be it? My answer to prayer? An end to the long drawn out heartache? But the reply stings. I don't own the property so unless I do, they cannot bend the rules.
The council OT came round to see what could be done, if anything with the grant I may or may not qualify for. It would be a long drawn out and by all accounts arduous process. I wouldn't be able to have you home, for 6 to 9 months, and that's providing everything goes through, and it goes through with not a single hitch. Meaning home visits for you would be impossible during the time they were doing the work.
So I sit, full to the brim with sadness and utter defeat. I just cannot rise above it today, cannot peer out just to see if there is a light somewhere, because it just seems there is not. And I am done. I'm wounded, I'm tired I am drained.
My only feasible option is to move you to a care home nearer to me. There is one, it's apparently got less Physio less speech therapy, but I have to change something. I can't keep (although I will) doing the long journeys.
Even that is not a good option. For so many reasons, the only good thing really would be you'd be closer.
I feel trapped and weak and vulnerable and I want you back.
I can't pour my heart out to you, I can't because due to the brain damage you laugh now when and if I am ever distressed around you for whatever reason. You just laugh at me. You have no idea.
Something has to come up, a spring must be about to flow up from he desert ground surely?
Me xxxxxxxx
Comments
Post a Comment