Saturday, 16 February 2013

Dear Alex, And Tonight...

15th February 2013

Dear Alex,

Fridge light illuminates the kitchen, as I swallow a mouthful of milk, I am careful, I am quiet. Your carer sits in the lounge watching you, you are here, in the house, asleep under the same roof as me and your children.

I wander by your bed, I cannot help but pause, a long while passes as the smile that creeps across my face, spreads inside and out, giving me rest, feeding peace to my soul tonight. Watching your chest heave with sleep and drinking in the family home and love. And oh how I love you Alex, and if only I could do more.

The funds we ( have raised have funded this weekend, but it's not sustainable, not a long term solution.

But I think not of this tonight. Too content with you here for a few days, not a rushed one night stay, but 3 whole nights and 4 whole days! And my word how I am blessed, privileged and blessed to be able to be here to be there for you and for our kids.

I walk slowly up the stairs, you asked me to stay with you tonight, 'why was I going to bed upstairs?' you asked. When I reassure you I'd wait with you till you fell asleep you turn your head 'ok' you sigh smiling.

And tonight, tonight, I do not feel the guilt or terror or desperation knowing I am leaving you in a care home. You are here, you are still mine, our love still runs so so deep.

And tonight my angel, tonight, you and I sleep under the same roof, the same house, the same street under the same stars and I love that I am with you tonight, all night.

See you when you wake,

Me xxxxxxx

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