Dear Alex, My Christmas present.

January 2012.

December 21st 2012

Dear Alex,

Simple things are the most saturating and nourishing of the soul... I love watching our kids sleep, and as we all sleep in the same room, I sometimes sit in bed watching them, their chests slowly heaving up and down breathing, eyes flicker from time to time, dreaming of a big day had and the fact it's 4 sleeps till Christmas! Sighs and flips and arms that stretch and mouths that press together then relax.

I get you sleeping here in 4 sleeps! That's my Christmas present! And the silly thing is, for the first time

In years, I feel that tingle of excitement like a child, and a smile inside as I know what's coming...

You weren't with us last Christmas, in fact we were all still in france, you were still in a deep coma and I could only visit you for an hour in the ICU... I made it through the day, it was strange, on my own with the kids. Your mum and dad were there but did the other shift to see you. I remember finally getting the kids in bed. I'd been strong most of the day, I'd videod the kids opening their presents for you to listen to. I made it through Christmas day, not knowing if you would...With the kids finally in bed, I walked out of the house, sat in the cold Winter air and cried till I was sick.

So this Christmas is pure joy, sheer delight and wealth, you at home, at home! And for a night! I'm sure I'll lose it to stress and a houseful and a carer and over excited kids and trying to cook Christmas lunch before Boxing day and wishing it was like it always used to be... BUT, I am so blessed and so lucky to have what I have now.

What an amazing Christmas it will be!

The Christmas I never thought I'd see, a Christmas with my whole family sleeping together under one roof for the first time in 15 months! Praise the Most High!

Me xxxxxxxxxxx