Friday, 3 December 2010

I will be putting a nappy on a dog


It is that time of year now when the butter does not spread, it comes off like chunks of cheese, you’re in your thermals (well I damn well am, and proud of it!) and 2 pairs of socks do not even take the edge off the chilblains……. But we are all expected to persevere nonetheless, and this is what we do. It is funny, in summer I just have to be outside. Everyone who knows me will vouch for the fact that summertime for me is living in the garden time. As a child I was dragged around on family walks ‘fresh air will do you good’ I heard, lots…! And now, it has come to play, that I say and I do exactly the same to my lot. Yesterday, it was raining, and I actually kicked them all out into the garden, I didn’t care anymore. They were going stir crazy in the house, the gluing and pasting had obviously run its course, and they needed to run, like they have never run before. I accompanied them for the most part, but I still had to collate, and darted back in frequently for shelter, cups of tea, and to collate…….Then all hell broke loose, I have no idea how, but they had been ‘that way out’ all day (bored no doubt, pushes anyone to the edge) finally I yell (to combat the noise of 4 young-lings and 'firm voice' just wasn't cutting it), “Right, that’s it, everyone, in the car now”, they look at me and ask ‘Why?’ Whereupon I explain to them that I have had it, we are going to ‘Mummysrus’ shop to buy a new mummy. All the time I feel horrendously guilty, but to my mind, they need to appreciate the fact they cannot be as unruly as they just have been for the entire day. They look at me astonished, aha, they had been previously unaware of this shop! I bundle them all in the car and set off…..silence….then Monty, my eldest pipes up ‘Er, mum, where is the shop? And do we really need to buy a new mummy?' Then the calm breaks, and they all burst into tears with; we’re sorry mummies, we will be good mummy, we will eat all our tea, mummies, and I regain a bit of parental power…..woooohoooo! Mummysrus shop outing success. Thank goodness I did not have to follow through with it….How can you follow through with that? thankfully, I was not busted. I could have taken them to a women's wrestling competition, that would have shut them up!

Another job we do, although it is very sporadic, is to look after other people’s animals when they are away, we ‘anisit’…..I did not come up with that, just for the record! This is fine, usually, apart from the fact that our dog is gay, not in the old fashioned sense of the word either, but quite literally bats for the other doggy side.. We have had bitches on heat, and he shows not a blind bit of interest. A dog comes through the gate on the other hand, well you’ve never seen anything quite like it, he is trying to hump them before you can say Dale Winton. It’s really quite embarrassing at times, without going into too much detail! We have another dog coming in a few weeks, a 17 year old husky who actually wears a nappy at night. I will be putting a nappy on a dog, I am hoping the owner does not pack terry nappies for him…..eeeeewwwwww. Bad enough using terry nappies with kids, I think this is the reason my washing machine keeps committing suicide. Electrical appliances do not last long in this house, I quite frequently do up to 5 washes a day, so I guess they get tired quickly, and give up…..if only I were an electrical appliance….!

I now must go and see to the floor covered in multicoloured dots, it looks ever so pretty, but I must teach Esmie (2) that paper is for painting on, not floors………

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