Oh the shame........

Started off quite well this morning (surprisingly), had put a wash on, one out to dry, fed the chooks, unleashed the balrog (our soppy, gay dog’s nick name, comical), got 4 kids dressed, teeth brushed, hair brushed (through screams and tears and taunts of you are mean mummy, and such like), all in the car, full tummies, unburned porridge! And ready for the off, finally strapped in their seats (strapping them in their various seats is like crystal maze some mornings, and it invariably tips me over the edge frequently). For all my trying I cannot just plug the little bit in the right little other bit and no amount of huffing and puffing and expletives and deep breaths/counts to 10 save me. Then I climb into my seat, we have a car which does not lock at the moment, and sometimes the only way to get to my seat if the unlock button in the car does not work, it’s temperamental, is to contort my body into positions previously unknown to gymnasts, let alone a mother of 4, to get into my seat, trying not to kick kids in the face as I do it. Finally, all in? Good. I start the car……which does not start, 5 minutes later, and now late for school, it is still going nowhere. ‘Right everyone out!’ I try not to scream it…… (this ‘everyone out’ also includes the dog, as when I leave the house he looks so wan, that I have to get everyone in the car, then him. And he doesn’t jump in on his own either, oh no, I am obliged to lift him, trying not to touch his bits (eeeewwww) as I do it). I now have to swap all car seats in to the other car (thank god it is not raining too, for once) swap all children, transfer nearly safely made, I carry Esmie still strapped in to her seat and nearly slip in the mud, going a*se over tit, all that is left of the garden these days is bog and mud. Finally everyone is in, but the strap for Esmie’s seat is not working, so I have no choice but to abandon her, throwing her at Alex, opening the front door yelling through the door with a brief explanation as to why Esmie cannot come this morning. The ironic thing is, I was going down to the garage with the car this morning anyway, to try and establish and sort out the car’s weird noise.

Then I get in, I quickly check in the mirror (note to self: do this BEFORE you set off in future), what I see is white stuff under my nose, around my nostrils and on the top of my lips. Fantastic, I have just taken the kids to school and looked as though I had been snorting drugs for breakfast. Great! My lips get awfully dry in the winter and the nivea cream I had obviously applied in a somewhat too slaphappy way, I had gone to some extent, overboard. No time to really address the implications, as It is time to organise however, then, yes you guessed it, collate. I have a doctor’s appointment to make with my doctor who is rarely there, I have to go and see the doctor just to make him do some paper work for me. The French authorities have informed me it is not good enough that I tell them on a signed document with a blood seal, who my doctor is, oh no, HE has to date/sign/attest to the fact that he is indeed my doctor, and that I am not making it up for fun. Oh, and another thing, the woman in the pharmacy (who has an intense dislike of me …) would not sell me Vaseline today, when asked what I intended to do with it, I replied I wanted it for putting on my lips in the winter season. She tuts at me, and replies that it is ‘too greasy’ and she wouldn’t get me any…..! I ended up pleading with her, she finally consented and flung it at me, rolling her eyes and looking in the opposite direction holding out her hand for the money. How rude……! But I think I probably still had a white line under my nose and now she too thinks I breakfast on drugs……..

Well the trials and tribs continue, I am nowhere nearer a DR appointment (his holiday week) and I now am going to be ‘tssssst’ at and a motherly outcast, due to the fact that I look as though I take drugs for breakfast……..let’s hope they can see the funny side……!