Friday, 19 November 2010

I have some Duct-tape under my pillow that I plan to stick all around him when he shuts his eyes……

Hoorah, I get my husband back tonight. That’s if he shows up at the airport and hasn’t rerouted his flight elsewhere…..!

The terrible twos are going well, in that Esmie Rose is well and truly displaying all the behaviours she is supposed to, paddying at every verse end and pouting with arms crossed with a ‘humph’ dramatically throwing herself on the floor. It’s great! I will not however give in, you never ever give in to a paddy, one of the first rules of parenting! So each time she kicks off because I have told her she cannot have a biscuit for example, she throws herself to the floor crying like I just poked her, hard, in the eye. The other kids are pretty much through this stage now, but each time she has her ‘moments’ I hear a chorus of voices going “go, on mum, give it to her …pleeeeeaaase, just make her stop, why won’t you just give it to her?” I once caught Lola her older sister slipping her a biscuit on the sly to shut her up!!! Which meant for me that the next time I say ‘no’, she has a tantrum, she now goes to Lola and ends up in negotiations with her!

A few months back, I did a translation for the local school bus driver. Just a letter from French to English, as a favour. Thinking nothing more of it, 2 weeks later he turns up with his wife and little boy at my door with a gift- a HUGE bunch of flowers, and 2 enormous chickens with thighs Mr World would have been proud of. They were from his house; he’d killed them and plucked them that morning for us. Usually this kind of gesture would be phenomenally kind- as it was, don’t get me wrong, but the irony here is that Alex and I are vegetarian! It was so very kind, and totally unnecessary, and when I got the chickens in the house I looked at alex and said “omg, wtf do we do?!” (I quite often speak in triple letters…..) It was a gift, and for us not eating it would have been worse karma, as, to turn back round to the lovely bus driver and say, ‘oh thanks for the thought, but you know what? We don’t eat meat' that would have been all wrong. So that night, chicken was on the menu…..little did I know that when I got them out of the bag their lil eyes would be looking up at me, yes they still had their heads in tact. Meaning I would have to behead them! You have never seen anything like it, I was determined to do it, but all our knives are blunt, like proper blunt, well we only eat veg, why do you need a sharp knife for chickpeas and lentils? I reached my arm out behind me, borking uncontrollably, and sporadically letting out little squeals, began the process, eyes squeezed shut, hacking, I would have made Henry VIII proud. Oooo god the tears are coming to my eyes just thinking back to it. It was a hideous life changing experience for me. But at least I could look him in the eye the next day and say ‘thanks, we ate well last night!’

Well with Alex back tonight I am looking forward to the bed feeling the right size again (although various children have taken advantage of the fact daddy is not here, and sneaking into bed with me!) however as Alex falls to sleep he has a tendancy to twitch…..not just little eye flicks or nose twitches, full on great arm twitches, as if his whole body is in some kind of flinging contest, I, thus, am victim to being kicked/whacked and the like, which does not make it too easy in my quest to sleep……still, maybe tonight will be different, I have some Duct-tape under my pillow that I plan to stick all around him when he shuts his eyes…….! Hmmmm, maybe he won’t be coming home after all………


  1. Tams, I'm not a veggie but I would really struggle to behead two plucked chickens! Full respect for you that you did, and then ate them, out of respect for the bus driver and his family!

    I've eaten VERY odd things around the world, to respect others and their cultures. Probably the worst was when I was sitting in a small outside hut/kitchen in Central Africa and a large locust/grasshopper flew in. I was told to "catch it quick", which I did (I beat the small African child to it and was inordinately pleased with myself!). Then I had to de-wing and de-leg it's still lively body. Ewwww. Following that, ALIVE STILL, it was thrown onto a sizzling pan and fried, before being given back to me to eat. Which I did. Felt a bit sick though!

  2. ha ha ha! i take my hat off to you debs, i could NOT have done that.....bravo that gal! especially for beating the child, nice, always good to prove ourselves, even if the competition is a kid! x

  3. should have given me a call, i have no problem doing that shit.... and i've got sharp knives too... the neck is the best bit ;)