how do you explain what I was about to do to a 4 year old? An unsuspecting 4 year old who is just about to have her mummy put something up her bottom hole?

This morning I was woken at; 3.30am, 3.40am, 4 am, 4.20 am, 4.50 am, and at 5am I nearly threw the effing mobile phone across the street……Alex’s surfing alarms. He often goes for ‘dawnies’, it’s quiet, calm, no one around etc etc and he is an early bird. I, however, am NOT. And I was furious from 3 am right the through till 5, when I realized I could in fact make the alarms stop. Again, another super early start chez us……..wonder what today will bring??

I didn’t need to wonder for long, as at 6.30, when the right alarm went off, I nearly threw up with tiredness.....nearly. Raining still, grey still, 4 kids, yep, still there, yep on full form, and yep, wanting their porridge……..up I get. School run done (although this morning I thought it would never end) I take Mitzi to the drs. I have a V.I.P pass now, and will soon have board and lodging for the winter months. Mitzi has had a few problems with her ears, infections that sort of thing. The doctor informs me this time that, no, I will not be giving injections again, praise be, but……..worse……suppositories.! (although thankfully not to Alex!) “But I am English” I say to him.,“We don’t do that sort of thing where I come from.” I realise I am whispering with the embarrassment. Anyway, it has to be done, so I start to prepare myself mentally, gazing lovingly at Mitzi who has no idea what is about to hit her.

The whole experience was, well, successful in that I presume I achieved what I was supposed to. I sat Mitzi Joy down just before I carried out the task and looked at her, “what, mummy?” I imagine by the vibes she was getting from me she was expecting to hear me tell her we were all about to be eaten alive by bears….how do you explain what I was about to do to a 4 year old? An unsuspecting 4 year old who is just about to have her mummy put something up her bottom hole? It felt all wrong, AND it is a course for 5 days……..Finally I accomplished what I presume I was supposed to after quite some time dilly dallying and working out the best position. Deed done, I suggest we have a little cuddle as I think we were both a little wierded out by the whole thing! The French give out suppositories like they drink coffee and smoke cigarettes, it’s just part of their culture, accepted, normal. It’s funny the differences between cultures, we British are notoriously ‘anal’ and ‘cold’ (I quote my french friends!) and the French are notoriously ‘ooooo la la’ and ‘shoving things up their bottom happy’ (I refer to suppositories, I cannot pass comment on the anything else….!). Or maybe it’s just me? Frankly, I’d rather my bottom hole was left well alone…………

I am looking forward to the week end, but for now, I am on another Esmie  Rose hunt.......Following the trail of orange peel bits, I finally discover her sucking down Satsuma like I starve her as a rule…..she is a little tealeaf, she is always stealing food, what ever she can lay her hands on. Sometimes it is not worth the fight, and I turn a blind eye frequently. But sometimes I do insist out of principle that she spit out the half chewed, almost nonexistent now, fragment of whatever it was she stole, and is now dribbling on and crying over! I feel mean, but at the end of the day, I AM the boss (sometimes…..).