Dear Alex, New Beginnings

Dear Alex,


The New Year begins...The last one ends...How will this one begin?

A new puppy, a new house, a new location. The loss of my old best friend, Oliver, the loss of having you at home, and never knowing what the next day will bring, which 'you' it will bring me.

I let a lantern up on New Year's eve, with old grievances, with hurt, with hopes, with dreams, and promises... I will start afresh this year. I will start a jar, a family jar, where we will all as often as possible place a slip of paper or material or egg box, whatever, and write our moment of gratitude on it. These will store for the year, them building up and open it at the end of 2014 to see our moments we appreciated.

Because at the end of last year I broke. I need to rebuild and reform and refocus. I need to push through hardships and let go. Breathe out hurt, brokenness and work towards a future.

My goal still remains the same; to have you home. Although I do not know when this will be, we at least have the home for you to come to.

I need to keep practicing my giving thanks, naming, writing and not getting lost in sadness, but believe in a changed, but better future.

I want to be stronger than ever before, the best I can be for you, the best I can be for the kids.

I want to look back on 2014 and be proud.

My hopes and dreams for you; to talk more clearly, to walk and to see. I will just keep focussing on these, helping you achieve what you can and more.

I look back on 2013, proud, proud of you, proud of the kids, proud of the move to Devon and how adaptable our children are. How confident, polite, kind and generous their souls are. Proud of you for the progress you continue to make, and will continue to make.

I will make this a good year, despite whatever happens.

I will be strong.



me xxxxxxxxxxxxx