Monday, 30 December 2013

Dear Alex, Hope guarded for a togetherness.

Dear Alex,

Another year ends, a new one begins. I don't want to reflect on the hard times, losing my faithful friend, the sadness and trials, I want to advance in a way I haven't yet, I want to reflect on the wonderful moments, of dog walks on the beach and new friends and keeping contact with friends I made as I first moved back to England shortly after you had the accident.

How the children have grown, and their traits I witness developing, their strength of character, their love, how they work together as a unit. How adaptable they are and open and loving and confident.

We began the year not knowing when we would ever get you home. No prospect of this and sank for several months, fighting with the Government to try and rehouse us, fought to keep you going, not regressing. No prospect either of rehab for you or your needs being met. Leaving you each day to go home to raise the kids alone, knowing you were alone crying in a Nursing home in your room.

You did regress, disturbingly so. And the day I received a call telling me you had had a suspected stroke. After hours in A and E it turns out you had had a 'stroke' a similar thing, lost all feeling and movement on the Left hand side of your body, although it was due to the distress you were under in the Nursing home.

I look back, I remember.

Then hope springs, a move back to the sea and a new life, new beginnings for all of us, back together a s a family and a home for us all in Devon. We had light at the end of the tunnel.

We moved in September and although our goal of living all together was dashed, we got through that, the children, so proud I am of them, adapted again to a new way of life and visiting their dad in a Care home for the foreseeable future.

You have a place in an intensive rehab centre, you will progress further there when you go. You have regained almost that you lost physically in the first Nursing home, I cry the other day when I saw you transfer, no belt to lift you with, you have strength enough on your own to pull yourself up, stand tall for ages and lower yourself, controlled and steady into your chair. Your speech is sometimes incredible. You have settled into the new Care home and I have accepted for the time being this is how it has to be. Hope guarded for a togetherness, a reuniting someday in the future.

I look forward now.

I put one foot in front of the other.

A new year almost begins and renewal, strength, hope, perseverance are my words for 2014.

I pray for this.

I draw near to the Most High and seek refuge and strength to hope.

I look forward with a determination in my mind, a hope in my heart.

Me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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