Dear Alex, To Do lists...

Dear Alex,

She sits, one leg swung over the bed, head rests on my chest, she reads, our gorgeous biggest girl. Our son listens, lying at my other side, and it is a strange thought that we are coming to the end of this- the end of just them and me.

I cannot speak of excitement at the moment, it feels like an uphill slog, the last push.

I see us settled, well, I think I do, months from now...

But right now I have to get us all there, then back up here for your operation, then back down again!

There's been no time to write to you over the past few days, I fall into bed around midnight-then struggle to switch off, sleep.

I think I just need to survive at the moment- if I can do that I am doing well.

My to do lists do not get done- the kids demand attention, you need visits from me and the kids. So the to do lists roll over to the next day, and accumulate more things to be done and they roll over...and so on...and so on...

I feel disjointed, like life is doing a very good job of passing me by as I tread water.

The to do lists need to get done.


Something else to put on my 'to do' list- 'DO my to do list ..'!



So forgive my lack of writing, I speak to you several times a day and spend as many hours each day as I can with you.

I just do not know how I am going to mange to get us all moved at the moment, and...and...

...And why are you still not here?


That familiar ache that rings in my ears.




Me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx