Happy Birthday Alex! 16 months on...

24th January 2013

Dear Alex,

Sheep huddle in snow thawing fields as dusk settles, underlining another day on this earth.

As the kids have been ill all week and off school, we all came in again today! The kids burst in with 'Happy birthday daddy 's and kisses and you have no idea it's your birthday. Nor how old you are, let alone the year we are in! You initially are quite disturbed by this and you cry. So I cuddle love and 'we are all here now' strength into you.

I watch kids sat, cross legged, playing 'Guess Who' and I let that love, that 'gratitude in the moment' rise, I feel it rise up in me as I watch and I love these souls of ours. That you and I made these?! That honour, pride, that we got to be together in this life and make these four amazing lives together! I am on your lap leaning over your shoulder watching them behind. Your head cuddles into mine. 

We have eaten the cake, your mum and dad are here too to share your day...Bet they cannot believe it was 34 years ago today they had you! And you ate cake, and two of your mum's home-made sausage rolls! The kids diligently made your cake yesterday, no scales, just adding free style, innocence of conversations 'Well, Daddy likes sugar, so let's put in lots of sugar, and Chocolate, let's make a chocolate one mum! He LOVES chocolate!...Ooooh this is going to be the best cake ever!'... And it is! Because they made it with love and you are far enough on that you are able to eat soft things!

The video of last year I replay to see just how far you have come in a year. We sing Happy Birthday round your bed. Kids eyes sometimes fearful and anxious as we try and be 'normal' around you. Candles are lit. But then, all you could do was occasionally communicate by blinking. Still in and out of a much less deep coma, but still, only edging back into the real world. I had no idea where we would be. Still told you would be only ever this way-only able to communicate by blinking, bed bound...No way was ever going to believe this! And look now where you are! Eating cake! And you sung 'Happy Birthday to me' as we sing to you!

I am welling over with pride today, for you, our kids. For our love, how it's striven to thrive and replenish brokenness and how it will and how it still does...And how I will always keep on pushing, praying, hoping for more.

Happy Birthday to my knight in shining armour, my whirl-wind romance no one thought would last! And my brave, wonderful, wonderful you, my man.

Me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx