Wednesday, 9 January 2013

Dear Alex, Watching you grow...


Esmie was snapping photos and captured this! I love it...





January 9th 2013


Dear Alex,

Watching you grow, inch-by-inch (I don’t obviously mean physically!) is a privilege.

I never dreamed life could feel this incredible. With the opportunity to watch you everyday growing. It’s subtle, it’s not day-by-day or week-by-week even, the progress, but whispers of it prevail…

I have also noticed you ask after the kids a lot when they are not there. You know they exist and they aren’t there! This is amazing progress! To begin with you had no idea about Esmie. And weren’t really sure of names or sex or how many kids, if we had any at all. Now you ask where they are…

A day on my own with you today, mum’s picked up the kids from school. The sky is blue, the air fresh, vibrating with bird sound. I walk you into the gardens at the Care Home. There’s a ‘Sound garden’ we discover with giant organ pipes to bong and they resound with differing tones. We both enjoy making music together! And you say to me ‘we could get quite good at this, you and me!’ it takes me maybe 15 attempts to get exactly what you are saying (it’s still really unclear often your speech) and when I finally ‘get it’ you roll you eyes and say ‘Thank God!’ I collapse in laughter!

I feel as though I have never been so in love, so grateful I am you are still here, and the person you are now is amazing, there’s not a lot of memory from before. You tell me, when I ask, you don’t remember ever having been able to see. Also, you have no recollection of what it’s like to walk, or that you ever did.

I’m not sure where you are at. You’re progressing, yes, fast, no, but as I say, somewhat, a little, it’ll all add up...I decided to try and provoke memories in you, describe an event each time I see you. I gave you an account of Monty’s birth today! There was nothing, just ‘really?’ and ‘no way!’ from you, no penny dropping and ‘oh, yes!’ I’ll just have to keep persisting.

It was odd today, you told me you couldn’t picture what a tree looks like or a car, or colours, and you have no idea what the kids look like, when I describe them, you raise your eyebrows and again, just say ‘really?’

I’m ignoring how that makes me feel, at the moment I have too much going on to dwell on this, there’ll be time enough for me to feel about this what I really do, but now it’s finding a house! Getting you home with our family.

Alex you are remarkable. You have me, heart and soul, body,  mind and spirit. You have done since the first day we met, and will do for eternity.


Me xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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