|Baby Lola, little Monty...goat.|
30th January 2013
I tap a little boy pretending to sleep (just so his sisters would) on his shoulder ‘Come on!’ I say, he looks up, wide smile, teddy-bear in arms, and tiptoes with me downstairs. We snuggle up; it’s 8pm, on cord sofa and under throws, cushions nested around us, a welcome change to plastic solid hard hospital chair.
We watch ‘Africa’ the nature series narrated by David Attenborough. ‘Hey,’ Monty says, ‘Just realised this is like Blue Planet, isn’t it?’
“Yes, that we used to watch on a Friday night with Dad, remember?"
He didn’t speak, he turned his head into me and squeezed my hand. Then he spoke ‘please don’t remind me about how dad was before, mum’
It’s been a hard week for the kids, and it’s only Wednesday! I noticed swelling around the skull removed on your head Sunday. Panicking silently, to the point I nearly blacked out (flash backs of times forgotten) I tell the nurse at the Home she should call the emergency Dr, and I take the kids home, various people step up, look after the kids between them, I can, at this point and knowing the kids are safe, only think of you. Sweaty palms, hiccupping for breath, I drive the hour back to you.
The Dr decides to send you to Hospital, and we wait for the ambulance.
I spent 12 hours there, slept for 1 ½ at a friends’ near by, then was straight back in for the day till school pick-up, then I have after school clubs, Dr’s for poorly kids and tea and bath and stories and homework and housework and bed…Then back in to see you after their bedtime. This has been my routine for these past few days. During the day desperately trying to hunt down reasons and people to give me reasons as to why this had happened.
Tonight, my body aches! My whole being aches! There is unopened mail piled up on the shelf by the door- I decide to plough through it. Amongst it a letter:
"Dear Mr Alex Wood, as you failed to attend your work capability assessment interview, we will be coming to your home (where he doesn't live) tomorrow between 11 and 4 to make sure you fully understand your requirements ..." The job centre
…More nonsense to sort, great!
I’m still pushing to find out exactly why your brain swelled. I keep hearing ‘it’s just one of those things’ I keep replying, ‘No, Dr. it quite clearly isn’t ‘one of those things’, when was the last time your brain swelled up and popped out of your skull? It never has, has it? No, so I want an answer please.’
You’re just tired, sleeping mostly now. I leave you to sleep.
More fights, summoning strength and energy from ...where? #TheMostHigh