Dear Alex, to search and behold...

Washing piles high,

Seeing you again draws nigh.

Spirits rise and spirits pour,

Bewildering in their patterns,

Emotions, can’t I just shut this door?

Lighter times, lighter thoughts,

How is it I have ended up,

Leading this life, leading it fraught?

Nothing I’ve learned, nothing I’ve been taught,

Can guide me in this,

Or numb it, as it ought.

Yearning, not futile spirals,

But whirling in bliss,

But can you really,

Had we not lead all this?

To search, behold,

This life of mine seeking to unfold

The heavenly gifts bestowed on us all,

Until we seek, until we fall

Can we perceive them,

Can we live at all?

Eternal struggle, medicine I seek,

Not pills, not escape,

You can’t, you have no choice!

Sheer determination of

Harnessing my inner voice

Training it when it screams

‘This is too large;

I am too small!’

To breathe a breath of thanks, and receive

Naming my blessings, how can I count them all?

How can I count the ways I am blessed?

In all this,

Despite all this,

I grind in my heels, rigid,

Holding on, skin of my teeth.

Blinding is this journey,

Heading destination unknown

I am learning, however, gratitude speech.

Whenever I look, and it seems desert and bleak,

His hand is upon me,

His refuge I seek.

Something I find, 

And I, me, I smile on the inside.