Legs akimbo...

I love watching my ducks feed. They are just too cute. Minnie, Daisy, Posh and Beaks (still lol at my own joke), after a fair bit of softly, softly catching my monkey, I have been getting gradually getting closer and closer to them as they eat, to now them letting me sit next to them, you know, chatting away to them, and watching their not quite fully grown beaks nibble away frantically at the corn. Very normal human mother of 4 behaviour, well at least I am not sat there with a litre of vodka which you could question…There, now I made option one seem totally normal. The ducks are now fairly tame, you might say. Well, apart form insisting the giant paddling pool is theirs, swimming in it and quacking loudly and taking umbridge when the kids want their turn. The duck/kid standoff is not a pretty one. They stare each other out, then the kids MAKE SOME NOOOOISSEEEEE!!! And roar around a bit, until the ducks are so freaked out, that they give away their territory. Scared Ducks, zero, scary kids, one. And if, by tame, you think sh*tt*ng in the house counts, then yes, that too. Mind you, in this house…

Well, I'd be scared......

Well my parents got to France late last night, and today we spent a lovely afternoon going on nature walks, Monty was gutted actually. Mum and dad are in a Gite and it is in the grounds of a castle (Rapunzel lives there, bloody hell she could do with a hair cut…) we were told there was loads of wild life there, thus to drive like badgers would do, if badgers could drive. Ah. But badgers DO drive, I argue, you just can’t see them because they sport head scarves and whizz along like little badger joyriders…anyway, so we go for a nature walk around the ground, expecting to find all kinds, Monty takes some binoculars, all jeed up. He’s so fascinated by all things nature, weirdo…Bless, that was a joke, it’s wonderful he is so zealous about the beauty around us. I love that trait in him. We see sweet FA, there was not even a bird tweet or a flap to be heard. Still, back in the garden there’s plenty of that, he’ll soon get over it!

My mum and dad’s Gite, as I said, is within the enclosed grounds of a castle. Esmie has not been seen or heard for about 8 seconds, and mum panics, thinking she has got out onto the road. Yeah, OK, that’s gonna happen, inside Fort Knox, mum. It is entirely enclosed by thicket and fence, and the gates at the entry have sensors, who alert the FBI, Gendarmes and any army aircraft or spaceships. So basically, if you cross the beams before you enter the code, you’re f****d. Unless Esmie has kitted herself out as a ninja baby, back pack, helmet and crampons, back pack contents for ninja babies containing: rope, for scaling, a gun, because of course a ninja baby would have one, black paint-to self-camoflage , and some camoflage netting, to hide under, and a plastic pot of cheerios. The lady who deals with the bookings instructs me carefully on the correct ‘entering code before crossing beam detectors’ technique. You do NOT! Cross the sensors, she actually did shout the word NOT too, bit off putting, I thought I had done something wrong. OK I shall be careful, I nod and look concerned and sensible, which was a tricky look to master. She tells me the code, then performs the deed, the ‘code enter’ she reaches prudently and erectly, her arm, and staying vigilant, contorting the body (at her age too…!) legs akimbo, so as not cross the sensors alerting the French army, one ‘enters’, pressing the CORRECT code, careful not to go arse over t*t and f*ck the whole procedure up…

On the up side, their Gite has a washing machine!!! Yey! So I took, and will continue, to be taking full advantage of this white God, and wash the filth away! I did 6 loads today, and have 18 more awaiting, since last Monday…would you believe it….and also the accumulating dirty filthy clothes that parade around my house, car and garden, whooping and self-chest pumping, mini fist pumps, everything pumping away, because they were only clean for 8 whole seconds that time…

On that note, I shall leave….the weather is shizer at the moment, rain, rain, and more rain, so I am hoping for less wetness soon. Weird thing to be hoping for, but I do, nonetheless. Till tomorrow folks!

Tamsyn x