Wednesday, 22 June 2011

The EZterminator...


At 11.30 last night, the chocolate withdrawal symptoms kicked in big time. We were watching a film in bed, and decided it would be a great idea to make chocolate cornflake cakes. Which we did. I had made loads of chocolate cakes the other day, I was on a roll, so I baked some extras for the freezer. We chopped a load of that up and chucked cornflakes into melted chocolate and butter. Half an hour in the freezer, and tasted divine!!! So this morning at 6am, when I got up, after just going to bed 4 hours earlier, I was baggy eyed and pathetic…the kids want to get in the swimming pool before breakfast and going to school, but I held my ground, by looking at them and going ‘er, AS IF?!’ And we got on like good kids with our porridge. 

At my fave beach the other day-there's a park, and it sells coffee to parents-DREAM world!!

I took Ezza to the beach Monday afternoon, and made sand castles and wandered along picking up stones and shells, and a bit of dog poo, which was neurotically scraped off by a stick, and then hands strerilised in the sea. All within seconds of contact. It was lovely, and so relaxing, considering the weekend’s antics. Back home to reality with a thud-my effing tax forms I have not yet done, due in on the 31st May. OK, deadline been and gone, no more excuses. I sit down to apply myself. But how can you ever, ever be applied when you have a toddler demanding spiders, butterflies, tractors, squares and circles and stars to be drawn after every ‘multiple guess’ questions on my tax forms (which there are about 68 pages of…)? Who can be applied when ‘twinkle ‘twinkle little star is to sung often and slowly as I am told to ‘hang on’ as she catches up? Who can be applied when a toddler is running up to you, pinching you, then running off cackling with their hands over their mouth? And when all else fails, as she does not have my complete and utter, ‘you are the centre of my world, I shall stare only at you all day long’ undivided attention, she starts going ’pile of s***’-an expression picked up from someone, I am not mentioning. ALEX! OK, toddler swearing, need to do tax forms, alright, she wins. I toss the millions of papers and ‘how to fill your million page tax forms out’ instructions, they were in fact a pile of s***, to the side, and take the EZterminator to the park.

Get that kid to the park!!

After school, I realise I had forgotten to make bread that morning (oh noooo, we’re all gonna starve…) so have to swing by the Boulangerie to grab a few brown baguettes. I have been trying to get the kids doing a few ‘grown up things’ by themselves. I figure it’s good for them, and I don’t want them to feel smothered, although I never want them out of my sight either (tricky one!!) but you can obviously never be too careful these days. So I parked outside, and let Lola and Monty run in. They walk up hand in hand, Lola with a big grin on her face as she is very proud to be going into a shop with her brother for the fist time on their own. And then all of a sudden, Lola is back at the car sobbing her little heart out. Fooking fantastic, the first time I do this, and something’s gone wrong. It turns out that she got scared, and didn’t want to go in in the end! Bless her. And Monty came out with the wrong bread coz he couldn’t remember what I’d said! But there you go, bread happens…

Alex is sneezing like the pepper fairy, and I hope so very much, this does not mean there is a new bug going round. We’re 2 and a bit weeks from the end of term *rents GIANT cage with Gianter padlock for holidays, realises noone as yet does this, has found niche in market, will get rich!* and leading up to this, I need all the strength in the world. Although today, I did manage to do my tax forms-you know how?? I went in all ‘damsel in distress’ style: ‘I’m English, I'm tired, I am normally a strong woman, but I am here, before you now, a broken one, and I’m not being funny but what the f*** is all this b**ll**s?? Can you pleeeeease help me monsieur?’ And he did! He did it all for me!! Get in! And so now, my tax is complete, and I am no longer chastised by all the rest of the French whom I tell I have not yet done it, who regard me with looks of horror, concern and sometimes disgust. One man told me I would go to prison. For fook’s sake (some of) the French nation- get over yourselves!!
Now, the ducks are in, they are asleep next to a mirror, they think there’s other ducks there, stoooopidos. And then Monty, taking the change of seasons quite literally, today is the first day of Summer, and so he is wearing pyjama shorts to bed he shows me. And lets me know he will be doing this until the first day of Autumn…Goodness, what a house I live in!!

See you soon, Tamsyn x

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