“Look over there, there is a badger with a gun!”

It was all going so well, it really was as well, until Esmie nicked off with the apparently “kiddie friendly” scissors, I spilt my tea, got mud all over the freshly clean sheets, I saw the cats had emptied 4 litres of milk by clawing at the bottles and drinking it as it was (look away dad) pissing out milk. No other way to describe the chaotic scene. Oh, and the chickens were stalking out food in the garage, flapping about wildly, and poohing on my clean washing. The holidays are going extremely well, as you can see... I put the kids to bed what seems like bloody hours ago (well 5 seconds peace in this house feels like a lifetime!), and they are still banging around, shouting out things upstairs, and Lola is now calling down asking for glue…….This may require some adult attention, I shall do the motherly bit and get back to the blog in a bit!

I have a friend who has just had a baby, it has made me extremely broody…..Yes I know, 4 kids and still broody. But there you go, it’s a fact! It is about all I can do to stop myself from saying to her, “Look over there, there is a badger with a gun!”, and whilst she is distracted, grabbing the baby, telling all the kids to get in the car quick, I have just got them a new baby in the family! But I realise I would most likely be institutionalized were I to do this, and the baby stays……..! The kids are all at ages now where they can do most things for themselves. It obviously makes things easier for me, but the fact that my 2-year-old daughter can do her buttons up all by herself, is somewhat worrying. As this must surely speak volumes about the fact that the more kids you have, the less they are noticed, the more they have to do from such an early age for themselves….! And I thought I did some good hanging out with Esmie?! It is evidently never enough attention that I give her. This is proved to me today, when after having snuck off with the child-scissors, I hear her calling, “Mummy, I’ve cut hair me, look!” and thereupon I see blond clumps of hair, strewn across the floor, like a scene from a shit hairdresser’s….! I gasp, as I witness the self-haircutted child, who is standing there looking at me, proud as punch,  She has given herself a small Mohican going on on the top, a few clumps are missing from around the ears, and the hair at the back has a big step in. Fandabidosey! I am going to have to put my hairdressing skills into practice in the morning, before making pots and pots of mango and apple chutney for fun, painting another wardrobe “eggshell” white, making Christmas necklaces with kids, Monty has ordered a treasure hunt, oh, and the normal cooking for 6 and housework that never goes away on a daily basis!

As it is the holidays, I am constantly reminded how many children and animals there are in this one little house…..! The chickens were nesting in the giant sandpit, having a bit of a sand bath, the dog was barking at Monty and me, Lola was on the swing (almost fully recovered from her rope burns the other day I am pleased to report!). Lola is not the bravest, and any little thing will send her down. The other day, just before I went to hospital with Mitzi, I hear a blood curdling cry from the garden, like a bat out of hell I was, throwing myself out into the garden, expecting to see a child with broken everything…….This was Lola’s reaction to her rope burns, so you see what I mean?

So there you have it, the Christmas holidays, woo hoo! I am hoping next year will bring the mending of my car, as I have been “demoted” to using Alex’s surf mobile…..it is not so much the exhaust falling off, the noise is, well, distinctive! Or the fact that it is a squish for all and sundry to fit in, it’s more the fact that you cannot even touch your feet on the floor, it is such a tip! (He is always flying in and out, so to be fair he does not have any time to do much a bout it, and it is mainly strewn with collated leaflets that fell about too much, got soaked by the torrential rain, that sort of thing…!) In fact, the exhaust has been fixed, so I am exaggerating a little, but it stayed in such a way for a good year…..The times I had to drop the kids off at school with mothers looking out for a steam railway train coming into the school car park, I avoid eye contact, and bundle everyone out, although I know I have been spotted…The shame! It did get to the point that Esmie would exclaim, “OOo Daddy home!” and then roughly 8 minutes later, daddy to pull into the drive…..It was noisy. And so is this house! But I cannot wait till Christmas, and tonight (which I had better go and get on with), we are starting the present wrapping marathon (4 kids= lots of presents!). Alex decided we should make a night of it, and nipped out to get a beer, he has walked back in with the most appropriately named drink for this house “Desperado”. Brilliant, desperado and paper/scissors/scelotape, here I come!