Caked in sh*t, absolutely caked in it now.

So it is never gonna be the best look, wandering around in the supermarket with your cardigan buttoned up on the wrong holes, and your flies wide open…..but someone has to do it, and that someone was me…..The awful thing was, at the till, I looked down to see what Mitzi had picked up and was showing me, it was then, that I realised my flies were undone, and the buttons were on the wrong holes. Now the dilemma; do I surreptitiously do up the zip and commence re-buttoning cardigan session? Or do I carry on regardless. I had to carry on regardless, I would have looked extremely odd, what would people have thought, if I had started to zip up my trousers and unbutton my cardy in public? I can only conclude, that this kind of look is fairly understandable for a mother of 4, which is why no-one was kind enough to mention it to me, they just let me carry on as if it were completely normal to be out in public like that!

We were caked in sh*t, absolutely caked in it now. 4pm, and we are all, including me, heading for a huge bath. Please put down any food products before reading any further this blog, and those who have sensitive epiglotis’, please read do not read on……….! It had all begun in the garden, which had been well in order, spending some outdoor time. In the holidays the kids take over, it is absolutely a chicken/dog and child coo that is going on in my house as we speak. We were clearing up the garden, after all the rain, the garden is bog and swamp. So I was on a mission. We cleaned out the chicken house, got covered in pooh, straight to the outside tap and I hose them down, noticing that Esmie has somehow managed to strip herself off from the waist down, bare feet, the lot. I roll my eyes and consider for a few seconds if it is worth getting her re-dressed, or is it mild enough that I can just bloody well get on with what I am doing for once…?! But when in doubt, put your clothes on I say (except when you do not want to draw any more unwanted attention to yourself at supermarket tills)…..So re-dressing session is on. And I am back in action. We gather up all the leaves, scooping up a huge pile, I wonder why it was so squishy, and realize I have just scooped up a load of dog pooh. Wonderful! Thankfully I took the brunt of it, as I was on the brink of hoying them at Mitzi who was having more fun throwing the leaves, than clearing them! A little later on, hand washed 7 times by now, I am still feeling violated by the amount of pooh I have had to deal with today, and I watch Mitzi climb a tree. I go over to help her, put my hand under her boot, smell pooh, and see it is all over her boot (the one I just went at enthusiastically to grab), rendering my hand once more full of shit and round 2 of sterilization procedures commence……Mitzi is stripped, and on our way in she slips, and falls on the top of the sand pit lid and smothers pooh down her face and her hand. Omg, how did we manage it??!

A wee while later, (surprisingly I had not given up on the day!) we head down to the post office to pick up a parcel, which has arrived from England. On the way out, I ran over the stupid dog! He was doing his usual barking, pleading with me not to leave him there “Please don’t leave me, you don’t understand…….” “Take me with you, oh pleaseeeeeeeeee take me with you” and do you know what I did? I looked at him in the rear view mirror, with the indicator on (yes, I am English, and I do use my indicator! (see earlier blog)), and I took pity on him, so I reversed, expecting the dog to back track, he did not, and this where I hear a bump! And the dog runs off his tail between his legs. I am horrified, utterly, utterly horrified, and (thankfully remembering to put the hand brake on), I run out to see what I have broken. Praises be, there was no damage, and the dog lives to bark another day……..But I was not in the most optimal of spirits, and drove like an old, old lady would, the whole way to the shop. This weekend will be Christmas! And the excitement in my house is uncontainable, we will be going up to my husband’s best friend’s parents’ house (did you follow that?!) for a night in Orthez, 45 minutes further inland. I am very excited; the house is a haven for us! With kids around it can’t help make you realise what Christmas is really about, and it is both brilliant, and knackering! Have a very, very Happy Christmas everyone!