Friday, 20 September 2013

Dear Alex, One step closer...

Dear Alex,

To nearly fall, to grapple, to hold on by the skin under my nails, to feel defeated...almost.

To wonder, to wander, to feel starved of you, of any hope.

To reach through blizzards of emotions, no sleep, no love, no energy, trying to keep a smile and an even keel in the face of numerous strangers walking in and through and out of our home, because we couldn't do this without them, for the sake of our four healing, cherished souls...

Last week was hell.

No more, no less.

I had thought initially when the operation to replace the bone flap in your skull was booked for the 17th September, that there could not have been a worse timing...Only it turns out it could not have been better timed, and I praise the Most High, for again, knowing best and placing the operation for when it was.

We went up on Monday, my brother-in-law came to look after the kids here (poorly son of theirs meant my sister couldn't come too) and amazingly he managed for 4 days all our kids alone! The operation was scheduled for the nest day. I leave you late Monday night and crash through the door of my best friend who is scared to find me in the state she did. Pale, staggering, puffy, red eyed-tear stained and hopeless.

This week has meant recuperation for me. I slept hours and hours at hers each night, going to see you for the day, arriving back at hers late each evening for a funny film to 'force the smiles'! And friendship and a warm bed and rest.

Last week, is already gone. Next week arrives, with you coming home with your mum and dad on Monday. I get the weekend with our kids and as the weather is set to be good, I plan to be on the beach, revelling in the beauty and glorious nature of where we live. Sea air, kids who never fail to make me laugh, make me cross, make me feel that never has there ever been a love so strong- that of a mother for their child...

Because where we are is home, and I love where we live, not a better environment could there be for healing and growing for all of us.

One step closer...The operation has seen improvements already, in your speech, your face is once again symmetrical, it is incredible-yuor face is exactly the same as before, no more paralysis on the left -hand -side it is as it was before.

I have managed to reharness hope, that this is early days, that we will achieve SO much more than already we have...

One step closer my angel...

me xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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