26th December 2012
Thudding knowledge, it's time. And saying goodbye has never ever been quite so hard as it was tonight. You feel it, time to go, time to go back to the nursing home. I've said nothing, but when our emotions are so intertwined, without words, without seeing, you know my energies, how I am feeling. You grab me, pull me into you with your arm that works. You smother me in tearful kisses, 'I love you, I love you, I love you' you repeat these precious words and I can't hold myself together for a while. How can I take you back??
Dark and raining, driving back from you was like a cord getting tighter and tighter around my heart the further I drive from you. You kept asking me to come back in later on tonight, 'please, please come back in...'
And I cry the whole way home.
Christmas was more than wonderful, better than magical, it was my family, together under one roof. It was smiles and laughter and you on the sofa listening to presents being opened by our excited and gleeful kids. It was Christmas dinner on our laps, an extra, your carer, and it was sheer delight.
It could not have gone better, your smile- your gorgeous innocent smile that spread across your face when you knew you were home and did not leave your lips till the car on the way home 48 hours later.
You had kids jumping on you in bed this morning, you had me just hopelessly, helplessly in love, I couldn't take my eyes off you.
It was the best Christmas ever. Your first overnight stay.
I have some huge thank yous to say to family, friends and carers who made it possible.
Now, with a vengeance I'm going to get you home...because that's where you belong. That's how it should be.
Alex, Thank you for who you are, you may be very different, very changed, but I am completely head over heels in love with you my angel.
Let's get you home...