Monday, 12 November 2012

Dear Alex, Monday mornings

This was Alex with a new born Esmie Rose...2008

11th November 2012

Dear Alex,

Day of home and chores and children and friends round. Day of church going, lunch slow cooked, morning’s preparation left to stew. Day of no you. No visit.

I began the 'Sunday homeday' with the kids a few months ago, for them. A day where they don’t have to rush anywhere, do anything in particular. I started it because I thought it was best for them.

I’ve got used to it, but the Monday I am speed, I am haste and I am with you as soon as I can be through the school drop off and morning traffic.

We have a fresh coffee together, made by us both. I get you to focus, straighten your head, and reach for the cup. I read the headlines, your reach has improved, your orientation around this has too. I am so, so pleased…

I think, I think I feel this raw open hole is not so scary anymore. I think I feel it’s pain, no more or less than before, but I went there, I let myself fall into it, and now, I’m not so scared of it anymore.

I feel more able to help you, a renewed strength, which you in turn are picking up on and absorbing and strengthening mentally…

So Monday approaches, it’s late, I won’t sleep that well, you know, I so rarely really do. But I’d like in my dreams to see you…

See you tomorrow honey, I can not wait…

Me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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