Sunday, 24 June 2012

Dear Alex, there is a time to look back, and a time to refocus...



23rd June 2012




Baby Esmie, outside her first house in France......





Dear Alex,

A leaflet dropped through the door today, I glance at the title


‘ there is a time to look back and a time to refocus'


After this week, it feels like this message is for me. I am trying hard to put back on my refocusing gear, ready for this next week…sometimes words come out of nowhere, and yes, sometimes they are coincidences and aimed very much at your life. This leaflet was simply that. A word for the week.


To say you were on form today is an understatement! As soon as those kids of ours leaped on you in bed, you were trying to talk, some things clear, some things, really not! We are allowed to make you double cream consistency drinks when you want them, and your meals have progressed from just yoghurt to pureed whatever is going! Although when I ask you what you had had at lunch you say ‘don’t remember’ I say ‘well, was it rank or alright?’ you reply ‘it’s always tasty!’ so this speech was audible and coherent enough to understand the principle that you are enjoying your new freedom in eating portions of pureed meals three times a day…


The kids and I made you an angel delight drink-your favourite! They mix and shake and Mitzi helps you drink it. You keep saying ‘more!’ and puckering your lips reaching them out for tastes of strawberry angel delight, you drain the whole cup, and find it hilarious that I say I have to finish up the rest in the shaker cup, reaching out for it, but me refusing to let you have it ‘it’s all mine now’ I joke…


Your laugh has changed, it sounds more like your old laugh, Lola commented on this.


Even Monty let you cuddle him for ages today, your head buried into him, planting kisses on his cheek. Although I struggle to watch these moments…


We have to accept this for what it is. Not pushing for the unattainable, but pushing for more little progress, forcing those steps, which we will be able to look behind and see that we have been stepping forward…


This is all I will write tonight, just stopping at the positives. There’s time to reflect, and time to just focus on the positive, and tonight is one of those letters. Progress, food, laughs.


Good night my angel,


I will see you tomorrow, thank you for the laughter today.



Me xxxxxxxxxxxx

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