|My gorgeous, AMAZING man....I have your smile back!|
December 5th 2011
You smiled, and you smiled and you smiled today! Not just once, but LOADS! A little chuckle and just so many BEAMING HUGE smiles!!! I have my man’s smile back! It’s been too long, and now thinking about it, tears well in my eyes, and fall down my cheeks…
You spent the first part of my visit asleep, the nurses explained to me that it is in fact the sitting up in the chair. They have had you for 3 hours Saturday and 2 hours yesterday sitting up, (strapped into the chair) which is why you are so very exhausted, they say it’s an immense effort for the body. Which is when I look at you and joke, ‘yeah it’ s alright for you lying down all the time, then going ‘oooo how hard it is to sit up, lie me down again please nurses’…yeah, how hard babes, chance would be a fine thing in my case’. You know me, and know I never, well, rarely sit down, and so you smile a broad smile….
Ashley (Alex’s older brother) came in with me again and there is much banter flying around, making jokes. We discuss also the fact I am going to get a piercing, to mark this event, either in my nose or above my lip, he rolls his eyes and says he’s not into it. I ask Alex to squeeze my hand if he is cool with it, he does, but Ash doesn’t believe me, and Alex smiles at this. I then spend ages trying to get him to tell me whether he thinks ‘nose’ or ‘lip’ a squeeze to decipher which one, he spends ages holding his hand flat, refusing to tell me, we tell him he’s winding us up, he’s doing it deliberately, he wants me to get big cow rings in my nose AND my lip so I look like cattle till he’s ready and out of here and can flatten any man who looks at his woman again! This whole time he is smiling and blinking, and genuinely revelling in all the banter and jokes. I say to Ash to check out how he has re-juvenated in here, it’s alright for some, I tell Alex I now have wrinkles as a direct result of this incident I can store mars bars in, will he get me botox for Christmas? He does a little chuckle, (a silent one, as speech has to be relearnt) and squeezes my hand. So I call him a mean b*st*rd!
Anyway, in all this, you can see, you are here baby!
On Friday night, I dreamt I saw you smile loads, that it was the next ‘thing’ you learned. I woke up on Saturday so desperately longing for this, wondering when I would see your smile again…and you see? My dream came so very true…I just can’t stop the tears rolling in joy.
They put you on the breathing machine all night long, but all day long, you manage with just oxygen. They are going to try you without it tonight, and see how you go. There’s no talk yet of transferring you, but I am holding on to hope that it will be before Christmas…
On that note baby, I can not WAIT to see you tomorrow! I so hope I get those smiles again and tiny noiseless chuckles…the fact you are enjoying company, understanding banter, and even joining in by not squeezing my hand!
I love you SO much, SO much it’s unreal…
See you tomorrow honey,
Your proud and overjoyed wife xxx
I even went to bed crying last night, and have woken up this morning doing the same, just that image of your smile…I feel like I AM getting you back. And this is more overwhelming than you could ever, ever imagine…it’s on a par with having a child, getting married to your soul mate, it’s indescribable in words...I feel like we are now on the long path to recovery...At LONG last...