Saturday, 7 May 2011

Cryingwithboredom-Boredsville


Monty, Summer 2009...

‘Ah, mum, it was soooooo boring’ was Monty’s reply to how his school outing went. He’d been at a Ballet with his class, and he’d been bored to tears the poor sod! I did tell him even though it was maybe not his thing, to try and appreciate it anyway. To which he just tutted and asked me if I liked ballet, I enthused and he rolls his eyes stating that that’s because ‘I’m a girl’. So there we go, the ballet was shizer and my son has just seen his first and his last ballet…

Look at 'em go....

Well, tonight there was my son’s ‘spectacle’ (‘show’) for the parents, long anticipated with terror, yes outright gibbering-wreck-of-former-self-rocking-in-dark-corner terror. First, a little account of last year’s, just to set the scene…Last year’s spectacle had begun but minutes before, and it was already worse than terrible. No one could particularly hear anything, and there was nothing they could do about it. The WHOLE school, all 3 years, sang about 8 million different songs each, and recited a poem in between each song too, which, well, at least it changed it up a bit. It was stiflingly hot Esmie had an accident on my leg which I could do nothing about as I was well and truly wedged in between other parents, apparently too proudly listening on to their child’s debut as a singer, to hear my ‘excuse me Madame, Monsieur, can I just…?’. They have their heads in ‘Oooh, she could be discovered from this you know, Roger’ ‘Oh absolutely, cherie she is absolooootely fabulous, I can see it now……’ So there you go. I was stuck, now covered in wee, stinking hot and unable to comprehend anything, as I cannot even hear the constant droning of the same ‘gnar gnar gnar gnar gnar gnar’ songs which carry on reagardless. In reflection, maybe it was actually just that, one song, the longest song ever in the whole of human ages to have ever been written. But, honest to goodness, what I had to endure, I would not have wished on my worst enemy mummy (that could be an interesting blog to write….who is my worst enemy, and a mummy?.....hmmmmmm) let alone any other mother out there. I realise how harsh I am being, but I just cannot stop myself, the performance was 1hr 45 minutes too long last year, with younger brothers and sisters crying, and asking over and over when it will end. Parents internally pleading with the teachers and children to make it stop too. So this is why I say that this time round, the spectacle was far from eagerly anticipated. DREAD, is the word, hardcore dread.

I was right next to the emergency stop button, think it sets off the sprinklers. I had managed to subconsciously position myself right next to it. But, you know, whilst I’m there…I bagsied myself, by myself to accidentally fall against it before the point of no return to Cryingwithboredom-Boredsville, crashing into near death, by your very own child singing, experience. The weird guilt this puts on you too, until afterwards you have a little chat with other mums, testing the water, fully preparing yourself to ‘big up’ the outstanding performance by Fred…when in reality, every other mother in the whole place have eyes streaming with boredom, thank f**k that is over for another year, tears of joy running down their faces.

This year was obviously greatly re-jigged, the pain on the parent’s faces from last year had been registered, as it was over and done with in 30 minutes, and I got a little clip of Monty-just so you can appreciate my point of view. In fact I have spared you, this is a clip but seconds long…enjoy!

Oh, firstly Monty is the one in the red T-shirt at the front right-hand-side. He throws in a little Michael Jackson pelvic thrust, to the 'cha cha cha' bit at the end to jazz things up a bit, well I was amused!!  the song is the funkiest one they've ever done...Here you go...I have spent all day trying to upload the video, to no avail-so you have to click on the link I'm afraid before it sends me dooolally...


See you all tomorrow!

Tamsyn x

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