Murdering stick insects...

Wow, what a weekend!...More about that another day, or maybe not. But I’m through the other side, and by going on the basis of what ever doesn’t break you, only makes you stronger…then I am fooking SHERA with the powers of greyskull!!

Moving on, the end of school saw Monty, at one point, bringing me something to sign, very nonchalantly telling me it was nothing. Yeah right. I’m onto you, but I let him have his little bit of fun, and signed it anyway, hoping I wasn’t just signing up gaily for an outdoor activity, Prince Edward style- caving with kids or something, or looking after school kids over the holiday (TERROR). What in fact I had signed up for, was far worse. To look after the school pets-Stick insects. Yes, you read that right, stick insects. Monty had been so keen bless his heart, he had only had to ask though (and probably have heard ‘no’ hence his (not) secretive actions) the thing I have with stick insects, is that you can not even see the, it’s so disconcerting…they are completely ridiculous as creatures, although pretty cool, they’re goddamn invisible! In this house there is NO WAY HOSEA that your demands are getting seen too, all your needs met, when you are visible, so invisible?? Were they to escape their box (which was my fear), they’d be invisible, well, I suppose camouflaged. I was terrified of their arrival. It was short lived however. We were looking after them for but 24 hrs, before they came upon hideous deaths, one drowned whilst ‘taking a bath’ (ooops, note to self-along with the birds and the bees talk, one must also, apparently, touch on insect hygiene with 7–year-olds) incident, and one got accidentally squished...I needn’t have been as they only lasted one bloody day and Monty accidentally squished one when he was playing with them trying to get them to play on the ‘water park’ he’d created for them. They don’t swim, stick insects just so as you know, and If I can spare any more mothers having to go to the pet shop to replace stick insects…hopefully they do all look alike, and no one will know!

Apart from murdering stick insects, our chicken Margo seems to be made of steel and carries on regardless of the fact her neck is so warped it kinks slightly to the right now, but is fine, I am relieved to report. My landlady burst into hysterics when I heard I had taken my chicken to the vets, then nearly collapsed on the floor when she heard they had first names too. But I did, and they do, so there. I shall leave you all now, I have a bath calling, and a dinner date with my man! Then I will tackle the issues before me: the broken washing machine because the dog we were looking after weed in Oliver, my dog’s, bed, so killed my washing machine in the process of getting itself clean. And the fact that this sent Alex to the laundrettes to get the mountains of washing done create by one small house with too much livestock creates, in doing so he succeeded in flooding the laundrettes. He spent the afternoon clearing it up with the owner. Nice work Alex. New washing machine some one please?!!