I will prepare a list of “happy things” to discuss with her……..So no talking about her life then…!!

Well the Christmas hols are nearly at an end, and I survived as the song goes! I survived it all as well! The holidays have definitely seen my “I need” list growing, at a rate of knots too. I have added to it; a sheep dog, for rounding up the kids, how much easier would it be if I had a dog to do the rounding up? A quick yap, they’d be in the car/at the table before you could say fishwife. It’d save me the trouble of herding, which I do so frequently throughout the day. As I have said before, it is like trying to herd wildebeest with a spoon……..I also have added, out of necessity, a chicken trainer. The routine has reached such absurd levels. Now, with 2 of my girls, Margo and Marjorie, performing, they run around boccing wildly flapping there wings like they’re late for a date or something, they wait for you to open the car door, and they flap inside and squat in the driver’s seat, always the driver’s seat, and quick as you like, pop one out, just like that! Monty was actually in the firing line the other day, and Margo laid an egg on his hand. Good job Alex wasn’t there to see it, it would have sent him over the edge! Egg, sticky mass, even for me it nearly sent me vomiting violently in the corner, but I managed to contain myself, took the egg, sticky and hot (eeewwww) and instructed Monty to get in and wash his hands IMMEDIATELY! Monty does not follow in his dad’s footsteps, and is very confident handling the chickens, as we have seen! He and the girls run out every morning in their pyjamas and wellies to go and look for an egg, all excited! It’s very sweet! But I think even for him he was a little confused about what had just happened! So, back to my list, a chicken trainer is a must, as I cannot have chickens entering my child-mobile, and popping out eggs from their backsides will-nilly. It will not do at all. As I am on the tip, I would like a general sh*t-shoveller too, well why not? I am, and always have been a bit of girly-girl, although being a mum of four little ones does not necessarily permit me to be quite so girly, I still dream of the day I will once again wear heels- dog walking, chicken chasing, school runs I would almost certainly be falling a*se over tit more times than I wipe bums in a day, so no, heels for the moment reside in the dressing up box for the girls!

In a park outing (luckily we have had the most beautiful mild, sunny days mostly this holiday), I bump into Make-up lady. Niceties exchanged, she is still not in a good place she informs me, and is vehemently angry at the fact that the only thing to do here is go to the library to use the internet, and would I believe it, the library has been closed all week? I did believe it, I need to take some over-due books back. In fairness I did forewarn the librarian that although, like a Brownie (no, not a chocolate one), I promised to do my best, but would not be prepared to swear on oath that I would always be in advance of the due-back date. Honestly, library books are the bane of my life (as are car seats/lace up shoes/rainy days/bikes/chickens/reversing the car…….), I try so hard to be organised, keeping the books in the same place, you’d think it was an easy task. But never, ever mistake anything for being an easy task in this house! The books mutate, grow legs in the night, rip their own pages out and hide under beds, jump down toilets (yes it has been known). I therefore occasionally have to weigh up whether it is worth the Friday night trip to the Bibliotech (library) over and above my mental health, as I risk having a mental breakdown every Friday afternoon trying to track down the suicidal, self-harming library books. Any way, I was on about Make-up lady, I am going to her’s for a coffee Monday afternoon, bless her, I suggested we meet for a coffee, and you should have seen her smile (and the tears in her eyes…..), so a coffee date it is then. I will prepare a list of “happy things” to discuss with her……..So no talking about her life then…!!

Happy New Year everyone, here’s to the best year of our lives yet, 2011. See you next year!